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Keep in mind that this blog is devoted to all things GAY. That means any news, advice, entertainment, literature, reviews, jokes,polls, etc will be completely curved. I might give it to you with no chaser but it definitely wont be STRAIGHT!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

How & when to let go

I've been fairly addicted to my Ipod over the past few weeks. Not too shocking seeing as how much I love music. So I've been rediscovering Chrisette Michele, Goapele, Corinne Bailey Rae & Adele lately and they're really taking me there. My girlfriend is also into Chrisette and she fell in love with her song Blame It On Me. The premise of the song is basically she's beyond done with her relationship & she's telling her significant other that it doesnt matter what he thinks of her, he can blame the entire fucked up situation on her, put all the weight on her shoulders, call her every name in the book...as long as the last thing he says to her is GOOD BYE. Cuz he gots ta go.

So it got me wondering about how long it takes and how hard it is to get to that point for many of us. It's like we have to go through the pits of hell, the eye of every storm, through the lions den and across the Sahara Dessert before we throw in the towel. My question is, is it suppose to be like that?

My train of thought is that the more serious a relationship, the stronger the commitment. The more you're committed to a person, the more you're willing to work through hard times instead of bailing out at first signs of trouble. And this is a good thing. Marriages such as my parents who have been together for 43 yrs (yes I said 43) would never happen if every time someone fucks up, you end the relationship. But the key to a lasting relationship has to go beyond being willing to put up with all the drama. Not everyone's bullshit is worth the blood sweat and tears it takes to push past it. I guess it takes large doses of common sense, a clear & open mind and sound advice to figure out who is worth fighting for and who we should let go....

I've learned through lots of trials and even more errors that if the foundation of something isn't sturdy, whatever you try to build on top of it will eventually crumble. It may not happen tomorrow, or next month, but time will chip away at the weak ground beneath it and the structure will fall. So one important key to a strong relationship is making sure you start out on the right foot. Begin with honesty, straightforwardness, and respect and the road ahead will most definitely be a lil smoother. Now for those of US who learned this lesson late [raising my own hand] what do we do if we started on shaky ground and are already well past the first few building stages?

Demolish that shit and start over.

Real talk. I have someone now that I know in my mind, body and soul is beyond worth everything we've ever gone through. Especially seeing as how it was ME who brought alot of the crap to the table. And now im making up for lost time and stupid mistakes by starting over piece by piece. Once things are in order and how they should have been in the beginning, I can only imagine the powerful & beautiful nature of our relatonship. I still have to learn how to LET GO. But in this case, i'm letting go of certain negative aspects of myself that is hindering our growth. It's a very necessary process. It's also scary as all hell. But hey, like I said, when you find someone worth it, you gotta do what u gotta do.


Alix said...

I've heard that how a relationship begins is how it will end. I think the beginning stages of relationships, when you're trying to build that foundation, will show you what kind of relationship you will have.

I do believe that you should appreciate all of your interactions for what they are. Every person you meet isn't meant to be a love connection. It's when we force compatibility that the foundation crumbles.

Chanel said...

I agree Alix. All relationships are definitely not meant to hold onto forever. The trick is figuring that out before you've wasted lots of precious time.

Monie said...


Things with my gf were kinda rough in the beginning. We def got off on the wrong foot. At some point I realized that she was an amazing person and that even though we have our differences we are really great as a couple.

The scary part is I almost gave up on us before we even got started.

Chanel said...

Wow Monie, I think i was the same way. Before my gitl and I even started I had serious doubts and reservations for a few reasons. I think a lot of that seeped into the 1st few yrs of our relationship unfortunately and I made some bad moves. But there does come a time where u gotta stop and figure out what u really want and what is worth it.

knowledge said...

"the more serious the relationship, the stronger the commitment." I truly believe that. If your foundataion is built and based on bullshit and other peoples expectations then when hard times come it's easier to mayhe not fight as hard for your relationship. They must sometimes be fought for tooth and nail, and if you feel someone is worth that then you give it your all and have no reservations about it. People who have been together for 30, 40, 50 years plus haven't done so because everything is always peaches and cream and roses, it's because there is a bond there that transcends what you see on the surface. Overcoming adversity is so much easier to do when you know the person you're fighting for is worth every fiber of your being. It's a beautiful thing and it always gives me hope.

Chanel said...

Wonderfully said, Knowledge. It gives me hope too, and I need all that I can get!