~Lovely lil Disclaimer~

Keep in mind that this blog is devoted to all things GAY. That means any news, advice, entertainment, literature, reviews, jokes,polls, etc will be completely curved. I might give it to you with no chaser but it definitely wont be STRAIGHT!

Friday, January 30, 2009

The best femme lesbian documentary ever...

hasn't been made yet. Because I want to make it. Yes, I have frequent lofty dreams of finishing my book, putting together my poetry compilation, writing a stage play, starting a lesbian women of color magazine and about 5 other projects that have yet to be completed. But seriously, I really really really wanna direct, produce and cast a femme lesbian documentary and I think it could be really good. I haven't started writing out a treatment for it yet BUT my brain is working full time and I should have the tentative sketch of what I want the documentary to cover soon.

Now if I only knew how to edit and splice film, or how to find the femme women I want to be my subjects, or how to possibly obtain money for funding the project...


Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Winning the battle against homosexuality.

Former evangelical pastor Ted Haggard’s wife says she knew about his struggles with same-sex attraction for years and felt he was “winning the battle” before a scandal involving a male prostitute triggered his downfall in late 2006.

That's the introduction paragraph of a news story over at 365gay.com about the infamous male prostitute lovin minister, Ted Haggard. We all know who he is and all about his X-rated fall from grace, so i'm not even gonna spend anytime hashing up years old news. I just have a question for 1) Ted Haggard's wife, 2) Ted Haggard, and 3) for you, my esteemed reaader: What does "winning the battle against homosexuality" look like?

I've heard all about the Ex-Gay concentration camps equipped with so-called ex-gay counselors ready to shove ex-gay pamphlets (among other things) down your throat all while hooking you up to contraptions set to shock the hell out of your fruity ass every time you dare have an immoral thought. I've seen the Dateline specials, read the websites of ex-gay women and men who have now converted into religious zealots (nut jobs) who swear God called them on the phone and professed them to be free from sin once and for all. I've heard all the tales. But i've never actually seen it happen. I want to know what Ted Haggard was going for here. Did he go through a twelve step program?

12. I promise not to throw crumpled dollar bills at the pool boy every time he walks by the sliding glass door.

11. I promise not to drive alone at night down prostitute row during strong moments of temptation.

10. I promise to stop imagining Tom Cruise sitting in the front row of my church winking at me while i'm giving my sermon.

9. I promise to make love to my wife at least twice a month and if it ever seems impossibly disgusting to me I promise to repeat this to myself ten times "I think I can I think I can I think I can"

And what signs was his wife looking out for? Was she expecting his voice to deepen and for him to grow more chest hair? Would that make him appear to be winning the battle? I really don't understand.

And what, exactly is the battle? I mean, who is he in a fight with? Sounds like his wife is his only opponent standing in the way of him being able to LIVE his life. Ted Haggard needs to get it together. So does Mrs. Haggard. She's hoping for a miracle that ain't ever gonna happen in her lifetime. I don't care how many private investigators she hires to follow him, making sure he never makes a right into the parking lot of Backdoor Barney's Boom Boom Room.

Now i'm well aware of the saying, don't knock it until you try it. But um...1st off, I don't desire to be an ex-gay. And secondly, I think it's all a crock of dog shit and it stinks.


Monday, January 26, 2009

See what being a homophobe will get you?

"Two months before dying, a Virginia woman confessed to killing two women nearly 42 years ago."

That alone sounds like a plot for a great Lifetime movie. But it gets better.

"She shot the women because they had taunted her for being a lesbian."

Okay now pump the brakes. Before I really start dissecting this, go have a read yourself to get the full scope of how crazy this is:

If you're too lazy to read the actual article, i'm sure you'll get the point by the end of this blog.

So it all started with an 18 year old lesbian ice cream shoppe waitress who wanted only to scoop out her ice cream, make her $1.24 an hr (if that much) and go on about her business. But two of her co-workers (also young women) just wouldn't let her be. Sharron (that's the lezzie ice cream chick) claims that her co workers, Constance and Caroyln, picked on her constantly for being gay. You know how teenagers can be. They teased and ridiculed her and made her cry in the bucket of cookies and cream every day. (Ok, i'll stop, because this really isn't meant to be funny)

Anyway, so on a late afternoon in 1967, Sharron walked into the ice cream shop to tell Constance and Carolyn that she would not be working the next day. C & C started heckling her about it, pointing out the fact that she's gayer than apple pie. (What that has to do with anything, I don't know) And Sharron, caught up in the moment, growing more and more pissed at being laughed at because of her sexuality, reached into her purse, whipped out a .25 caliber pistol and blasted both of the women. There went the French Vanilla sundae delight.

Fastforward to November 2008 and Shoot em up Sally is now old as dirt and laying on her death bed due to failing kidneys and heart problems. She knows she's about to die and probably wont ever spend two minutes behind bars, so she spills her guts about killing the Mean Girls in an interview. The FBI opened the 42 yr old investigation and began pieceing together the dusty puzzle and strangely enough, it all began to make sense. Sharron (Shoot em up), died in January of 2009, and like I said, never even saw the vicinity of a prison.

Now, I have a few questions here. First of all, it was 1967 in Virgina. Not 1997 in Compton. Why in the hell was Sharron carrying around a .25 caliber with her anyway? She claimed that she decided to toss it into her purse as she was leaving her house. Hmmmm. That's not one of those things you do on a whim. You randomly think about tossing an umbrella in your purse. Or a condom maybe. Not a damn gun. And my second question is, why in the world couldn't she shut those two birds up without a weapon? She could've even knocked em both in the head with a spoon and kept on about her business if she just had to use something besides her hands. And my third question is what in the hell was wrong with Carolyn and Constance? They needed to seriously get a life and mind their own damn business. I know homosexuality wasn't the thing to do back in the 60s but if they think that Sharron was the only lesbian within their vicinity, they had another thing comin. They were both probably closet cases anyway. I swear, people don't think about the cconsequences behind things they do or say. And in this case, their mouths and insensitivity of someone's privacy got them into a mess of trouble.

I do not condone Sharron's erratic behavior. It was cold-hearted, evil, psychotic, and just plain wrong. Someone who can be pushed to the edge that easily by people teasing them probably could have been served well by having a psychiatrist, so I blame her family for not paying attention to her state of mind also. I think she should have been found out in enough time for her to serve a lengthy sentence so she would know that what she did was NOT okay.

BUT...let this be a lesson learned to all the homophobic bigots who feel comfortable poppin off at the mouth, disrespecting and degrading others who may be different from you...please be forewarned that you never know who you are messing with until it's too late, so you might be better off just shutting the hell up and minding your own business.

*Big thank you to PrettyBrownGirl for the blog topic :-)

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Why are you gay? (everyone else asks, why not ask yourself?)

After all my years of having same sex attraction (since like, um preschool) , and the past 6 years of engaging in strictly lesbian relations (Just say no to penis!) I don't think i've ever really asked myself why am I gay. If I have, I must have been drunk cuz I don't remember it at all. I've had friends ask me. I think my mom asked me once, but I could be mistaking that with the time that she declared that i'm not really gay (No honey, you're not gay. It's just a phase. You'll see the light soon.) Either way, i've never really analyzed the situation myself. It just is and I just am. So I'm gonna go for a first here, and examine the possible reasons why I am gayer than Clay Aiken in a tutu at a bar in the Castro.

1. The most obvious reason is that women are just sexy as hell. Everything about them (us). From the thick thighs to the curved hips and beyond....just beautiful. Why would I rather wake up next to:

When I can wake up next to:

(Yes she's my girlfriend and no you can't watch ;)

2. Men and I never fully clicked. I mean, i've been in a couple fairly serious relationships with men but something was always missing. That emotional bond that allowed me to drop all barriers and just be me. That never ever happened with the opposite sex.

3. I've been in a couple bad situations with men that helped turn me wayyyyy off to their cause. Not gonna get into all of that here, but just know I have a damn good reason.

4. The sex is better. With women. Much better. Much much much better. Not saying that I had bad sex with men. Cuz for the most part, I didn't. But I didn't know S.E.X until I had it with a woman.

5. I kept getting hit on by random women and never quite understood it, but the thoughts and fantasies kept getting better and better until I couldn't resist the temptation anymore.

6. The little girl named Priscilla in my preschool class loved to play house with me :-) Nothing happened you perverts, but it definitely got me use to the idea...

7. Sustenance, satisfaction, stability, pleasure, true love, loyalty and commitment. All things i've found in one woman that I never found in one man.

8. Watching The Spice channel when I was too young to even know what was really going on. But I knew.

9. Because it just feels right.

10. Because I love who I am since I fell in love with Her:

Yeah that about sums it up for me. Care to share why you're so gay?

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

The L Word = A sad state of affairs.

This isn't easy for me. I've been an L Word junkie since day one. I was there when Jenny first moved in and spied on her neighbors having sex in the pool and then magically became gay herself. I was there and ELATED when Dana and Alice had their first kiss. I was there when Kit walked in on her business partner fondling her prosthetic penis in the mirror. I was there as Shane went down on every woman in Los Angeles and never seemed to end up at the clinic. Hmmm. Yes I have been there since January 2004. And it hurts my heart to the core to break down and say that this show is quickly deteriorating into a pile of garbage.

The writing has never been A+ quality work any way. Something has always been a tad bit off with the plot line and the character development. But the fact that a show geared towards professional lesbians in Cali was an option for me to tune into every sunday, I fell in love. And I became invested in the hot mess of Tibette (that's Tina & Bette for you slowbies), and I grew to adore the quick-witted quirkiness of Alice (the best character on the show if u ask me), and Dana **tear** ohhh Dana, I cried when she died. And where the hell is Carmen? Her sexy ass.

These ladies truly became a staple of my meager televison show addiction and the ONLY reason why Showtime is subscribed to. Trust me, after this last season, Showtime is AXED. So please explain to me why the writers have decided to end the last season with a damn guessing game of who killed Jenny!?? I did, shit. There. Game over. I didn't like her anyway. She's over dramatic, self-centered and rude. Yes. She sounds a little bit like myself but at least I have the talent to back it up. And at least i'm not stabbing my friends in the back and ruining everyone's lives in the process. It's best that Jenny was hacked off but why is the last season devoted to her? It's ridiculous. I swear, if every single episode revolves around her, the season might end a lot sooner for me.

I hear there's gonna be a Spin-Off. Alice in Lesboland or something like that. (Not the real name of the show so don't go googling it) I'm not too sure what it's gonna be about yet but hopefully it will live up to Alice Piezecki's charm and humor. But until then, I have my own suggestion for a show....

Title: Vortex
Channel: LOGO. Screw Showtime.
Plot: 8 random women are moved into a house. 7 out of 8 of the women are honest to god, card carrying lesbians. The other woman is a poser and does a hell of a job at playing the role. The viewers at home nor the other houesmates know which of their roomies is the fake and whichever person can successfully out the straight woman wins the cash prize. Of course cat fights, hook ups and careflly crafted challenges unfold as well.
Purpose: Not all that glitters is gold and even if it walks like a lez, talks like a lez and kisses like a lez, u may be judging a book by its cover and putting the cart before the horse while hatching your eggs before the chicken lays em.

lol. What do u think? Would you watch it?

Monday, January 12, 2009

Labels are for cans

I've touched on this topic before on another site and I thought I would revisit the issue here to see how my rainbow roomies feel about it. As of today, there are approximately 398,487,577,74 labels for the LGBT community. 398,587,577,70 of those seem to be reserved for lesbians in particular. Allow me to name a few:

Fem, stud, fem aggressive, dom, lipstick fem, soft stud, hard stud, butch, pillow princess, sub fem, stem, tomboi, high fem, etc...

To some, all of these labels are an unecessary confinement used to box people in. Thus they choose to define themselves as labeless. I can understand this view point to a certain extent because I certainly don't want anyone to tell me what I am and what i'm not. But I do believe in and see nothing wrong in defining myself. And correct me if i'm wrong, but if you go around calling yourself labeless...doesn't that then become a label???

One word can never fully describe who I am. But a label or two can provide a generalized sense of my physical make up and help give a basic understanding of some of my characteristics. I see myself, and am pretty sure that most other people would see me as a fem. I dress feminine, get my nails & hair done, wear make up, pinky finger extended when i hold a glass, blah blah blah. So i'm comfortable identifying as a feminine lesbian. Now this doesn't mean someone should mistake my feminine qualities as a weakness because i'll still knock someone in the throat if I have to, french manicured tips and all. LOL. But seriously though...

I don't think there's any harm in using labels to help paint a picture of your persona. As long as you make the labels instead of letting the labels make you...what's the harm in it?

Friday, January 9, 2009

Who are you calling a dyke?


I can not say it enough times. I DO NOT LIKE THIS WORD. I hate it. It's an ugly, harsh, degrading, offensive word that is the sound equivalent of getting punched in the throat. Did i mention that I hate it? So it is to my horror that so many lesbians havve adopted this term and use it on a daily basis to describe themselves.

"Yea i'm a dyke."

"We're all dykes here!"

"How many of us dykes are goin out tonight?"

Oh my god, no. The person who goes out on that limb and refers to ME as a dyke hopefully took a noose with them because that is a fighting word. I have heard it explained by a few women who like the term, claiming that it gives them a sense of empowerment when they use it. They say they have stripped it of its degrading meaning and given it a newfound definition of strength. I just can't seem to see the light. To me, calling me a dyke is like calling me a bitch, or a nigger and claiming it to be a term of endearment. There's nothing endearing or cute about it! It's just rude.


Thursday, January 8, 2009

Rick Warren....boooooooooooooo

I hate to talk about him. I really do, because I do not like the man. I didn't like him before he was announced as the prayer-giver at Obama's innauguration, and I for damn sure don't like him now. BUT, seeing as how he has infiltrated my televsion and my computer screen, and because it's a gay issue...i'll give my forty-two cents on the matter. But this won't be a long post. Trust me, i'm almost done now.

This quote from Rick sums everything up for me, "This [Gay Marriage] is not even just a Christian issue. It’s a humanitarian and human issue"

Gays have been saying that our right to marry is a humanitarian/civil rights issue for the longest now. I am human, at least I was the last time I checked. I am a citizen of this country. I am due my civil liberties because I work and pay obscene amounts of taxes every month. So why is Warren trying to flip humanitarianism and use it for his argument against gay marriage? Because Rick Warren is an idiot.

I'd like to edit his quote a little because I do not believe gay marriage to be a Christian issue at all. Not all gays who wish to be married are Christians. Not all Christians care about whether or not gays can marry. So no, it's not a Christian issue. It's a hipocritical issue. Rick Warren and every other opposer of gay marriage in the name of religious values are big fat hipocrites. Let me know what you would call someone who professes love for everyone but in the same breath, is judging and condemning me straight to hell solely because of who I am in love with? A hipocrite. And now this man...the man who can never seem to be able to mention the word GAY without mentioning AIDS shortly thereafter...will once again be on my TV on the morning of Jan. 20 to say a prayer at the most historical innauguration I will probably ever live to see. Now I know God has to hear all prayers. But my mute button will be in full-effect that morning. I can and will say my own prayer for the new First Family, for this country, and for myself and those I love. And if i'm feeling particularly good, I might say a prayer for Rick too. I said might.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

You mean all blacks aren't homophobes??! Get out!!!

So this morning while sleepily sifting through news articles online, I came across this piece which speaks on the notion that the huge outrage from gays towards blacks, accusing them all of supporting the Prop 8 ban on gay marriage was a drastic exaggeration. Well no shit, Sherlock.

The article claims that the exit polls taken on Nov. 4 reflected that over 70% of black voters supported the ban. I knew that was a crock as soon as I heard it. Now i'm not claiming to be an expert on blacks or gays (forget the fact that I happen to be BLACK and GAY), but something about that percent seemed heavily skewed to me. The latest analysis of the exit polls taken in the CA counties with the largest black population show that the number is closer to 58%, and that age, socio-economic status and religious levels played a larger role in deciding prop 8 support than race.

58% is still rather high, and the black gay community has a LOT of reaching out to do, but it does show that not ALL blacks wish to toss all of the gays back into the closet for life. Yes, many blacks are heavy churchgoers and buy into the whole "if you're gay you're gonna burn in hell" rant, but many blacks also know the importance of tolerance, acceptance, love and the appreciation of diversity. We (speaking from my black perspective now, not my lesbian view) have faced more persecution and degradation in our history than any other culture and it's easy for others to use that as the argument for why the entire black race must be hipocrites for supporting prop 8. But it runs so much deeper than that. When we were in shackles, being beaten and sold for pennies, it was God who brought us through. It was our strong religious foundation that gave us the strength and the faith to see another day. That faith is deep rooted and no single proposition will completely shatter hundreds of years of belief, and when you have pastors across the nation using their pulpits as vessels of hatred and misinformation, it's hard to see through the BS and find your own truth. BUT, movement has begun. The black community has large numbers of LGBT family who are willing and ready to reach out and lend some understanding and knowledge on our issues. It's going to take a hell of a lot more than one ballot measure to open eyes and labeling an entire race as hipocrites wont get the job done either. We have to find a better way. Until we stop yelling, blaming and accusing, we will forever be on two sides of the same disenfranchised fence and we will never rise and get our just due.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

First Post...where's the liquor???!!!

Okay so here's the deal, i'm a little lazy today and I don't necessarily want to post my intro in long paragraphs so i'm opting for bullet format. Read and remember what you want, skip and forget all else. Love :-)

* Who (am I): Chanel. Not # 5, not Cocoa. Just Chanel. Yes, it's on my birth certificate.

* What (am I): A lover, a daughter, a friend, a writer, a poet, a student, and slightly warped in a sexy kinda way.

* Where (am I): Guess i'll be around here for awhile. I can also be found at www.remarkablychanel.blogspot.com, or www.blurbsandverbs.blogspot.com OH! and at www.ibleedpoetry.blogspot.com. Yeah yeah i'm hogging up all the blogger space.

*When (do I post): I'll try to post here and on my other blogs daily. Sue me if I don't.

*Why (am I): writing this blog? Because there seems to be a lack of color around here and i'm painting the place in shades of the rainbow. Care to join me?