~Lovely lil Disclaimer~

Keep in mind that this blog is devoted to all things GAY. That means any news, advice, entertainment, literature, reviews, jokes,polls, etc will be completely curved. I might give it to you with no chaser but it definitely wont be STRAIGHT!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

What makes you a lesbian?

Please bare with me here as this topic is quite touchy for me and for many others, therefore, if I stay a little too long on my soap box...get over it. It's my blog. K thanx.

Now. lesbehonest (i had to do it. Shout out to Drake) not everything that glitters is gold. We all know this. The same applies to lesbians. Not everything that eats pussy is gay. Allow me to repeat: NOT EVERYTHING THAT STICKS ITS FACE INSIDE OF A VAGINA OR LETS ANOTHER WOMAN STICK HER FACE INSIDE HER VAGINA IS A LESBIAN.

Of course, we have bisexuals. And I mean honest to God bisexuals. They are mentally and physically attracted to both sexes and can be in long term committed relationships with either/or. That is a bisexual. And if that is YOU, good for you, here's your gold star for the month.

But i'm not even dealing with the bi's today. I'm dealing with the women who slip and fall on another woman's strap on Tuesday and wants to call herself a lesbian by Friday. FUCK outta here.

OR...the "straight" women who "catch feelings" for a random ass female once in a blue moon as if "the gay" can be caught and sprinkled by magic leprechauns. Y'all are the worst. The WORST. It's these women who go gay by accident for a quick fix who give REAL lesbians a horrible rep. And yall dumb ass lesbians who fall for them might as well hand over your gay cards cuz you are being P L A Y E D. Smh & *shrug*

So let me ask, what makes you a lesbian?

I know what makes ME a lesbian. I love ALL things woman. I love pussy. Everything about it. I love estrogen. I love female pheromones. I love hot flashes bitch fests tears psychoanalytical bullshit mental instability emotional roller coasters girl-sex strap ons/strap off EVERYTHING. I want to marry a woman. I want to have babies with a woman. I want to spend the rest of my crazy ass life with a woman. I cannot live thrive or survive without the love of a woman. And men could disappear off the continent tomorrow and I wouldn't cry narry a drop. That sounds pretty damn lesbian to me.

Top that.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Valentine's Day sucks for lesbians

Yes this is true. Valentine's day is what it is. A commercialized capitalistic gold mine for heterosexuals and bisexuals who make sure they're conveniently booed up with men every February 14th. Valentine's day is about all things pink and red and fluffy and furry and chocolatey and glittery and hallmarky and all that other shit. It's the perfect time of year for men to venture out in their King of the Jungle outfits and round up all of the mushy crap they can find to impress their powder puffs back at the house. Key words here are MEN , MUSHY CRAP. Mixing men and mushy crap usually leads to disaster, but they are MEN and we expect that from them. Straight women oooh and ahhh and tear up at the same ole crap they give every yr and say it's the thought that counts and they move on. Another day another dollar.

What does this have to do with lesbians?? Thank you for asking.

Women giving mushy gifts to other women = a dangerous combination. We are good at that shit. (usually. There are exceptions to every rule o_0) We know how to shop and we know what gift is gonna strike what chord deep inside the recesses of your girls complicated ass mind. We put thought, blood, sweat and tears behind any gift we buy and we like to make it MEAN something. It's all about meaning, and perception and feelings. Which is why Valentine's day sucks for lesbians because if you just so happen to NOT HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ANYMORE and February 14th rolls around...it makes you wanna hang out around the highest point of the Golden Gate bridge and not for no damn sightseeing. *sigh* It's just rude. Women should not get other women addicted to receiving all the cutesy romantic shit UNLESS they're gonna be there to give it every single year without any hesitation :-(