The Gay Agenda: Have you gotten your copy?

Seriously, I heard they were bulk-mailed last weekend. I’ve had my copy on reserve since early 2006.

lol

For those of you whose eyes lit up, giddily screaming “I knew it wasn’t a myth!”, calm down. Sorry to disappoint you, but yes, it’s just a myth. The Gay Agenda is nothing but an elaborate concept contrived from the deluded mind of a bored heterosexual. The Gay Agenda has been toted for years as a scheming “How To” book, filled with top-secret plans on how we, the LGBT community, are going to wipe out heterosexual society as we know it, one straight person at a time. (Google Anita Bryant to see how all the nonsense began)

In recent years, it has all sort of morphed into a comical concept. At least for me it has. Maybe it’s the sheer idea of what a Gay Agenda would look like if there really was one. Who would write it? What would it entail? Here are just a few of my ideas:

1. By now, the Gay Agenda would be solely available as an E-book. No more hard copies in print. The authorized E-book could only be purchased on one website that you would need an access code to, given only after a thorough background check and interview with a local G.A.F. ( Gay Agenda Facilitator)
2. There would be a G.A. panel of twelve members. 6 high profile gays & lesbians and 6 working class citizens. The panel approves and/or tosses all of the submitted entries for the Agenda.
3. The Agenda itself would be written by WE the people. (Gotta make this a democratic process), but all items are subject to approval.
4. The G.A would be about 25-30 pages long, depending on the social climate. If the year has been fairly productive and progressive for the LGBT community, the Agenda might be shortened in length. If it’s an election year, expect the Agenda to be no less than 100 pages.
5. Every 4 years, a big gay caucus would be held where all registered gays and lesbians meet, greet and revise the Agenda. Rainbow attire is strongly suggested but not necessary, for those who just aren’t feeling it.

And last but not least

6. Panel members would recruit a highly skilled band of straight allies to help us find the expertly hidden Straight Agenda. The way heterosexuals have monopolized society as we know it, there has to be one. And we want it. Now!

Now do you see why I laugh at the thought? The whole idea is ridiculous and unrealistic. How can a community of such diverse and opinionated people manage to create one agenda that we all agree on and swear to. It’s not gonna happen. Wouldn’t it be great if those pressing the issue would move on so we could all live life happily and peacefully? How’s that for an agenda?