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Keep in mind that this blog is devoted to all things GAY. That means any news, advice, entertainment, literature, reviews, jokes,polls, etc will be completely curved. I might give it to you with no chaser but it definitely wont be STRAIGHT!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

The Triflin,The HOEmewreckers & the Idiots that let em move in

Abrowngirl and Kiwi's posts on similar topics inspired today's entry. So thank them & go show em some attention :)

The Homewrecker- A 3rd party who moves in on someone else when they damn well know that person is already taken. [not a websters definition but it works] This can be done intentionally (90% of the time) or unintentionally (10%). [not scientific data but it also works] Either way, you're still a homewrecker.

The Triflin- The person in the relationship who "slips" and falls on another woman's strap, finger or face. Oh & lest we not forget that cheating does not have to be physcial. So the Triflin can also be someone who falls in love/lust or any other inappropriate feelings for someone else outside of their relationship.

The Idiot- The one getting played. I hate to be so harsh because the blame should never be entirely on this person but in these situations, if you look back once its all said and done, there were usually always signs of what was going on. If you choose to overlook the signs or if you allow yourself to be blinded by love time & time again, you're an idiot. Plain and simple. Sorry.

I feel as if I can bluntly speak on all of the above because at various points in my not so long of a life, I have played all 3 roles. [hangs head in shame. lol] On my journey of becoming a stronger woman & a better girlfriend, i've been lost in thought about why people do the things we do and how to become an overall better decision maker. Since my relationship has been the catalyst for my change, I figure relationship issues are a good place to start analyzing and finding solutions to the myriad of problems. So let's tackle this cheater/cheatee thing, using myself as an example. Fun times ahead.

Why would someone settle for being a homewrecker?
When i signed up for the job as the other woman, I did so because 1) I liked the drama & adrenaline rush (see:young & stupid), 2) I was fresh out of a dysfunctional situation that was not my fault and thought hey what the hell. Might as well cause some dysfunction of my own, 3)I was flattered someone would be willing to risk ruining their security for lil ole me. and 4) I had nothing else productive to do.
So I went along for the ride filled with back seat trysts, secret texts & phonecalls, illicit meetings and an abundance of lies. I ate it up. I even went as far as meeting the girlfriend, smiling all up & in her face with a halo over my head and a knife behind my back...
Then came the day where I had the lightbulb moment: i'm better than this! So did I remove myself from the situation all together? Nope. I shoved my head even further up my ass and completed the ultimate no-no, I "stole" the girl away from her current relationship and ejected her into my life, expecting her to get a dose of act right overnite. (see: young and even more stupid) Think she took that dose? Hell to the no. She turned around and did the same shady shit to me that she did to her ex. Big surprise there. I cried the blues & cursed the world, promising to never ever get played for a fool again. It may have been a personal setback but I learned a lot from that situation that will indeed keep me from going thru it ever again, trust.

How could someone be so Triflin?
This one is just as simple to answer as any other question if you're ready to be honest with yourself. I just found that honest place within myself over the past few months & i'm ready to share. Yayyy :-) Being the cheater is not a good look. You might think it is while you're caught up in some sideline ass, but trust me, it's not very attractive and the ugliness shows as bright as day. You think you're bein slick and smooth with yours, but someone can & will see it. I've never physically cheated on anyone and i think I may have been too chicken shit in the past to do so. Currently I have no desire to do so because my head is finally on straight. [figuratively speaking] But emotional cheating can be just as painful & it's easy to fall into, even if it wasnt your original plan to do so. People are people and we will do what we are wired to do, mix & mingle and mesh with others who appease our appetites. If we meet someone who piques our interests mentally, how easy & harmless is it to strike up convo and keep it flowing? Very. Talking and befriending is not the problem. Trouble doesn't occur until talking leads to flirting which leads to mixed signals which leads to overstepping boundaries which leads to falling hard for the lure of the grass on the other side. It happens because we let it happen. Cheating is not nature playing its course. Its our decision-making skills at their ass-backward worse. I became emotionally attched to people I shouldnt have because I did not know how to properly section off my boundaries and keep a certain part of myself solely for my partner. I needed the attention from EVERYone in whichever form it came in. I did it because my head was all fucked up, I felt like I could get away with it and because my past was filled with people doing me dirty so why not join em? It caused shitloads of unecessary drama that I'll always regret and if I made smarter choices, I never would've had to endure it. Key point is: It's not hard to make the right decision when you know what your values are & it's in that moment of decision-making that your destiny is shaped.

When am I officially an idiot?
It is tricky at times to distinguish between unwarranted paranoia & genuine intuition. I get em mixed up all the time. lol. But there a few things you know you gotta pause for.

  • If you keep having that nagging feeling in the crevices of your soul that sumthin just aint right, and you choose to ignore it. You're an idiot.

  • If your significant other can't keep someone elses name out of their mouth that you have never met and you don't push the issue of making that meet up happen sooner than later, you're an idiot. If she's important enough for all this extra attention, then she's important enough to be introduced to you as well.

  • If you can't hold on to your significant other's cell phone for ten minutes without them sweating bullets & asking questions & you dont say shit about it, you're an idiot.

  • If your partner has to take phone calls "privately" [privacy is anywhere YOU aren't], and you don't find out what the business is, you're an idiot.

  • If you've caught & confronted your partner about cheating and ain't shit changing about the situation and you're still there when they get home tonight, you're an idiot.

  • If you never open your mouth to express your feelings about whatever it is that's bothering you out of fear of what the other person might do to you, you're an idiot & you're in an abusive relationship.

  • If you are OKAY with sharing your partner with the next chick AND you're getting yours on the side too AND everyone involved is happy....you're an idiot

Okay so that's all for Sex & Relationships 101 today. Agree? Disagree? Couldnt care less cuz u didn't have the patience to read it all?


Born In Iniquity said...

This is SO WELL written with your bulletins and everything!! LMAO Effin hilarious! I'll be around for awhile, catching up! =) Peace

knowledge said...

Tell it!

I've been there, done that and yep, you're pretty much dead on.

Renaya said...

I love this blog. I swear i learn some new shit every day. Im an idiot. lol. That was my lesson for today. Cuz im guilty of about 3 of those points up there and im sooo ashamed of it. I dont ever say ANYTHING to my girl about the shit she be up to because im too afraid that she'll leave me. And she never ever takes a call in front of me. Like she'll answer it and wander off into other rooms and im just like what the hell. And i dont know any of her friends. Not one. And she's with them a lot but has never taken the time out to introduce me as her gf. Wut the hell do i do?

Anonymous said...

I dont think i agree that all homewreckers are hoes. I mean the person in the relationship LET themselves be taken away so does that make them a hoe?

Chanel said...

@knowledge, lol. Thanks for the cosign.

@ Anonymous, I dont think all homewreckers are hoes. That was jus a play on words for the title. lol. I do think all homewreckers have issues, myself included. Anyone who is okay playin 2nd to another woman, and anyone who is ok taking someone away from someone else is dirty. Point blank period. I hear u. Im not letting the other person get away scott free. They're just as wrong and even more dirty cuz they're HURTING the person they're suppose to care about.

@Renaya, run girl run. Im so serious. That makes no sense. WHy cant she talk on the phone in front of u? What can possibly be that secretive? Nuthin but some shit she shouldnt be talkin about. Cut it. And how is it that people feel comfortable cupcaking with friends but can never bring em to meet "wifey"?? Bullshit on that. Thats a whole nother blog topic rite there. Thanks. But like i said, u need to check that & if she cares about u she'll fix it. If not, just leave. Not even worth it.

Anonymous said...

Hell nah u cant be givin out the pimp secrets like this. wtf is wrong wit you?! Makin sure no one im messin wit comes to your blog ever. None of em.

Kiwi™ said...

This is some deep ish!!!

I agree with everything especially #3 in which you make me feel like an idiot lol but this blog was great.

Thanks for linking me!!!

Kim said...

i like this. Nicely explained and everything.

pinkchocolatesunshine said...

damn! i feel you!!! don't even get me started... great post!