~Lovely lil Disclaimer~

Keep in mind that this blog is devoted to all things GAY. That means any news, advice, entertainment, literature, reviews, jokes,polls, etc will be completely curved. I might give it to you with no chaser but it definitely wont be STRAIGHT!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

So you say she's just a friend...


Happy Tuesday everyone! Im tryin to be all excited about it & give off positive vibes, but anyone who knows me knows that I truly can not get excited over any day of the week besides the love of my life a.k.a FRIDAY. But still. Happy Tuesday.

So let's talk about friends. I've been making them my entire life. Never really had a problem making and keeping friends when I was younger because I was very friendly, a social butterfly of sorts and kept myself out there like that. Plus everyone just likes me :-) But i'm noticing that as I get older (i'm talkin like 25 is next to death) my readiness to open up and befriend people has dwindled down to very meager levels. I believe there are quite a few reasons for this, including the fact that i'm busy as hell and really have no free time to galavant the streets how I use to. Thats just something I can't help right now. But something I should be able to control but really dont have much of a clue where to start is how to initiate and maintain close friendships while in a serious relationship without letting the green-eyed jealousy bandit rear its head on either side.

I'm a little a lot envious of people who are able to balance friendships and relationships with perfect precision. I've never been good at it. Someone always ends up mad at me. My friends cuz i spend too much time under my gf, or my gf cuz she feels neglected , or worse threatened, by my closeness with my friends. Its just too much. So that led me to kinda drop the friendship ball & I didnt feel too bad about it because my current gf has become one of my best friends anyway! Which is a good thing. The problem arises though when 1 or both people in the relationship start to feel the pressure of always being together, never hanging out with other people, thus experiencing overkill. NOT a good thing. But what do you do now that you're use to having all of someone's attention, and you're use to only having to cater to one person? It's hard to just break habits and jump back into having a social life. lol. It's also close to impossible to be willing and ready to let go of a chunk of your gf's time, space, and opportunity. Yes, i've become a selfish greedy girlfriend hog and I don't know how to stop it :-(

I dont know why, when, where or how this happened. Kinda blind-sided me because i've never been a clingy person. Ever. I never liked being up under any of my significant others 24/7. I use to need my own space to breathe and just do me. I use to really not care about whoever I was with having friends and hanging out without me because I could just go do the same thing. And if I wasn't hanging out with other people, I'd be perfectly fine being by my damn self at home! That Chanel is no longer among us. But someone needs to find her and bring her ass back quick fast and in a hurry cuz this new Chanel is NOT the bizness. I repeat : idontlikeher

Blah.

I just wanna enjoy my relationship, enjoy my girl friend, enjoy other people appropriately, and honestly trust that she can and will do the same without any bull shit and drama on either side from any one. Why is this so hard?

5 comments:

glennishamorgan said...

I think @ some point and time we all go through this. I wish I could give some great pointers but, I honestly don't have any. @ one point my ex bestfriend was jealous of my ex. And then @ one point my ex thought when I was hanging w/ my BFF I was cheating. IdK I think it's all about security and being confident in yourself...

Alix said...

I don't know how to do it either. It helps if your gf & your friends get along, so you can do things together. Maybe try scheduling things in advance? Like have a standard lunch date with a friend every 2nd Saturday or something? I don't have many ideas. I suck at doing ti myself.

Chanel said...

@ glennisha, yeah i agree with the whole security/confdence point.

@ Alix, lol. Guess we're in the same boat then!

knowledge said...

I don't do this well either, but I have been seriously blessed with some kind of charm since my friends who I sometimes neglect and my girlfriend who I sometimes need my space from still love me just as strongly as ever. Being up under someone all the time will get old and something will have to give. You'll either need to force yourself to come to terms with changing the situation or you'll be forced to change through some other occurrence. You already recognize it mentally, but since it's almost like an addiction the hard part is knowing how to change the behavior.

My only (not so great) advise is to make a drastic change before one gets made for you.

Chanel said...

"You already recognize it mentally, but since it's almost like an addiction the hard part is knowing how to change the behavior."-- Amen. This is precisely my problem. And your advice is actually quite good because like you said, either i step up and make the change, or something (someone?) else will change it for me, and im not about to let that shit happen.