Okay so I'm really not sure what the hell i'm doing this for because I'm already potentially in a shitload of trouble. Nothing has hit the fan yet, but after this, who knows? But I found it a little too hard to turn down this request made by such a pretty little thing...obviously. That's how I continue to get myself caught up.
So anyway, let me explain myself. I have a girl friend. We've been together for a long ass time. The longest relationship i've ever been in. I love her. And I'm in love with her. No matter what any of you think about me and my situation, no one can tell me that i'm not in love with her because you don't know me. So spare me your judgment. Like I said, I have a girl friend whom I love very much.
And then there's my sideline attraction.
Yeah I have a jump off and no i'm not ashamed. I'm not in love with her at all. I'm more so infatuated with certain parts of her. lol. Y'all get wut i'm sayin. No, my girl doesn't know about her. Fuck no. She would kill me, leave my ass high & dry and never look back. She dont play that shit. A part of me wants to tell her because I would like to explain it how I see it. I really dont want her to find out on her own cuz it'll just be all bad, trust me. So I kinda wish I could sit her down and tell her that this chick is not a threat to her. I fuck her. I deal with her only when I need to get some bullshit off my chest that I dont want to bring home to wifey because I dont wanna put the stress on her. I cant help the physical attraction. I mean shit, I still have eyes. Even though I'm wifed up, my pussy isn't prejudice. It's partial to anything fine as hell with ass and titties. Im human, sue me. But my HEART belongs to one woman and that is my girl friend. I wish she would understand that. But due to her and everyone else bein hung up on all things sexual, i know she wont understand at all...
Sometimes I think im a fucked up individual for it. Because i know my girl thinks im faithful, and I know she's faithful to me. Thinking about how much this would hurt her fucks me all up and I feel like shit. But I gotta be real with myself. I dont know how to stop. Hell I dont even know if its nautral for someone to only have sex with one person for the rest of their lives. Shit dont sound right to me. But u know what, if I had to make a choice between my girl and some random pussy, i'd choose my girl all day and all night. Maybe thats why I havent said anything to her yet. Cuz it scares me. Its like bein stuck between a rock and a hard place. I love my girl and I know shes the last relationship I ever want to be in. But I need sex from someone else occasionally. I cant have my cake and eat it too?? I mean, damn I have friends who are literally carryin on two and three RELATIONSHIPS with other women! All tornup inside and what not. Now thats some shit. Im not even tryin to get all deep like that though. This is strictly physical. That is a little bit better. Right?
I dont know. One day I promise i'll stop the games and just do what I gotta do. But until then...my phone is ringing and I got business to take care of.
This is the final piece of my 3 pt Harsh Reality series. This is not a letter from myself or my girl friend. It's fiction people! lol. Meant to make us think a little harder about our actions and the situations we get ourselves involved in. Take a glimpse into the minds of the The Cheater, The Girlfriend and The Other Woman.