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Thursday, April 2, 2009

You're a gold star lesbian? How precious.

I first learned the meaning of Gold Star Lesbian from the L Word, I believe it was season 3. (correct me if im wrong) When the ladies were seated outside at some sort of Tibette bbq/poolparty and Carmen revealed that she was a gold star. My ears automatically perked up to anything she had to say cuz she's that damn fine, so of course I wanna kno what a gold star is. It's promptly defined as a lesbian who has never had sex with a man. Claps & whistles for Carmen.

My star is a tad bit rusty. Is there a such thing as a brass star?

So who's in line with Carm and who's in my camp? Where do you think the majority lies?

I've wondered how my life would be different (if at all) if I had never been there done that with guys. I've also wondered if lesbians who have never slept with men feel as if they're a "higher caliber" of lesbian because they're untouched? lol. I know a couple of people who are elated at their gold star status, but I wonder if that translates over to them feeling a sense of "I'm more of a lesbian than you are because i've never been soiled by penis!!"

Whatever. My sexuality now (and for the past 6 yrs) has nothing to do with what I did when I was young and & confused. So after 20 yrs have gone by since i've slept with a man, maybe my star can get polished and buffed and become all sparkly again ;-)

13 comments:

curiouslovechild said...

Yeah, I'm more along your brass-ness with a twinge of silver lol. I think a lot of girls may not be gold stars unless they knew they were les at a young age and were that disciplined sexually lol. But like you said in an earlier post, it's better to try both sides just so you know for sure. Whatever metal you rock, it's all about who you love and the comfort and happiness you receive from doing so.

Chanel said...

Confusedluv- lmao @ a twinge of silver!
"Whatever metal you rock, it's all about who you love and the comfort and happiness you receive from doing so."....I like that. Works for me!

studwithswag said...

My god-mother used to always tell me that I should be with a guy at least once, just to know for sure. I never understood the logic of that seeing as how I'd always known exactly who I wanted to be with. Sure, I was curious when I was younger, but not enough to make me want to go through with the actual act. I'm in "Carmen's" camp and oddly enough I first heard the term "gold star lesbian" from a straight guy. I had no idea what it meant, but low and behold..... it doesn't make me any more lesbian than a lesbian who has been with men or a man. Some would argue that at least she knows for sure since she's had a taste of both. I think the majority of lesbians have been with men only because I have only been with one other woman who had never been with men in all my years of dating women. I think gold stars are the minority, but it doesn't make us any more or less lesbian. We all love women and as long as you can identify with that---we are in the same boat (thankfully).

Fab Fierce Femme said...

C,
YES I feel like 'gold stars' think they're better than us 'brass' or whatever it is they want to categorize me as (I haven't had sex with a bio boy in like...oh 11 years..but would never say NEVER...don't want to have to eat my words)
It kind of bugs me when gold stars think that they're better or 'queer-er' than me just b/c they've never slept with men...whatever..do YOU and I'll do ME. I don't count my experiences with men as a mistake, just part of my sexuality and learning path.

*muah*
LL

Chanel said...

Studwithswag...ok i gotta agree with your grandmother on this one. BUT to each his or her own. No one knows what you like & dont like better than you, right?

Fab...lol, i KNEW they felt like they were better than us! lol. Oh well. We have nothing to prove to anyone besides ourselves.

Monie said...

Chanel,

I'm a proud gold star lesbian and we're the best!! Lmao Just kidding, I don't think it really matters, lesbians are lesbians. :)

breastswildasblkwaves said...

For my journey, it was important that I was with men before women. I felt like something was wrong with me when it came to sex with men and I even had an ex that convinced me of this. I don't know if I would have appreciated women and the physical and emotional intimacy with them to the same extent if I hadn't been with men before. It just all made sense....IIIIIII made sense to me for the first time and nothing in the world can compare to that feeling...

pinkchocolatesunshine said...

i agree w/ BWBW above. Never felt right with man. It just was the okey doke. But with my gf, it's different, its when she touches me, I just know...

LaurynX. said...

Hm, never been with a man before. Don't feel that makes me "more gay", in fact I've been bitter that I didn't discover my "gayness" til I was 20.

glennishamorgan said...

Laurynx- I'm with you. I don't think cause you've never been with a man before makes you "more gay". I just think all of our journeys are different. I'm always one to say that I don't regret anything I've ever done or been through because it makes me who I am today but, i wish I could take my pussy back from of the men that I gave it to lol. I also have been bitter that I didn't discover my gayness until later on in life. Well I can't stay I didn't discover it. I knew of my feelings for women but, I just never equated it as being gay. In fact I thought all girls had crushes on girls. Don't know what world I was living in but, it took a while for me to get smacked in the face with .......you do this, and have never felt like that etc. because you're gay"

Meshia said...

Honestly, who makes this shit up? I guess I'm a brass star but i don't believe that my sexual past has anything to do with my sexual present. I also don't believe that being a virgin to men makes one a better lesbian. It also broaches the questions "What is a Better Lesbian?"

Alix said...

I want a brass star too! I think gold stars are the minority. I feel a little envious of them...

Toni said...

Gold Star fa lyfe! Holla! Lol. Naw, but I don't think it makes a "better lesbian", wutever that means, but I do, in some cases, think it makes 4 less drama. But, I also can appreciate a woman who's tried, didn't like, and moved on. Women who slept wit men, thoroughly enjoyed it, and now call themselves lesbians, and expect me to believe there's never a hint of nuthin...and won't ever be...

Well...let's just say...good-luck convincin me of that