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Thursday, February 5, 2009

Lesbian relationships really aren't that much different...

So in my little world, I have observed that it's not too much more difficult being a lesbian involved in a long term relationship than being a straight woman involved in a long term relationship. I've been on both sides of the fence and both situations can make for good times. Both can also work your last damn nerve. A relationship is a relationship, whether it's two women, a man and a woman, etc., and some things just aren't that much different no matter which team you're batting for. For instance:

* Every couple argues. I don't care if you're in a relationship with Yoda. You two are gonna argue. The difference is how we argue. When two women argue, both parties are usually able to conjure up fairly decent evidence/excuses/explanations on why their side is the best side. When and a man and a woman argue, the man is usually left sounding like a idiot. "Well uh..uh...I-I-I, well she...and then you, I mean it wasn't even..., we didn't-..see what had happened was..."

* Every couple goes through the apology phase. Lesbian couples dig themselves deep into some serious shit and have to do the same shoveling that heterosexual couples do once they've landed themselves knee deep in the pile. The difference is how we shovel. Two women will usually come together (after not speaking to each other for a day or so) and have 3 hour long sessions on what went wrong, why it went wrong, where it started going wrong, who went wrong first, why didn't the other person stop it from going any further, how can we prevent it from happening again, and then come up with some sort of "treatment" to try out for the next few months to make sure everything is really okay. Men involved in hetero relationships will talk things through but it wont be as deep of a conversation and it for damn sure won't last three hours. 45 minutes at best and that's only if he thinks he's getting some ass after. He might buy flowers. He might take her out to dinner and give her a massage. And bam. His problems are over and he expects hers to be too.

*Every couple has sex. Well, at least every couple who is capable of having sex should be having sex. Lesbian couples....hmmm. How can I put this without turning this blog into something I have to make an 18 or older post? Let's just say that we tend to get the job alllllll the way done, and then some. Most of our sessions are just that. Sessions. Rounds. Levels. Stages. It kinda unfolds like a movie. Or better yet, a book. Cuz books are more thorough and usually way better than the movie :-) Don't get me wrong though, we know how to have mini-episodes too. But trust that those mini's are still cause for a standing ovation. Heterosexual couples can have really great sex too. It's just that I hear more complaints coming from that side than the other. "Ten minutes girl. Ten damn minutes. What can he do in ten minutes that I can't do to my self?" "Four inches girl. Four damn inches!!! What can I do wit anything that's four inches long besides light it and smoke it?" "I mean yeah he went down there but it's like he thought it would bite him or sumthin. Maybe he's just shy." You get my point. Now fellas don't get mad at me, and ladies who are with men who know how to put it down, GOOD JOB & i'm happy for you. Im jus sayin though....

*Every couple eventually moves in together once it has reached that phase. The difference is how we act after the cohabitation begins. Most women know how to clean and cook. I say most cuz some of y'all barely know how to boil water without burning a pot. But typically, if you have two women living together, meals will be cooked as scheduled, laundry will get done by both parties, toilets will get cleaned before they become a breathing hazard and any mysterious foul odors will be stressed about until they're febreezed/lysol'd/incensed/poutporried out. In a hetero couple, the women are usually left to the matters of keeping a clean house. This means when his boxers and sweaty onion smelling tshirts pile up in the corner every two weeks funky enough to make your throat close up every time you walk by, guess who will usually break down and toss a load in the wash first? When the refrigerator and the cabinets are empty as hell and he is lookin at you like babe what's for dinner but haven't even thought of swinging by Safeway to pick something up and maybe cook it for once...who is gonna have to twinkle her nose and turn into Betty Crocker? Mmm hmm. Now i'm not sayin that all men are filthy nasty dirt bombs. Some men are really good at keeping things clean, and some men actually like to cook!!!! But if you have one who doesn't do any of the above...you're in for some serious slave labor my friend and it won't be pretty.

So see. Like I said in the beginning. No matter what type of relationship you're in, you can pretty much expect the same stuff either way. Lesbian relationships don't exist on this alter-level of alien interaction or anything. It's just a relationship. We fight,love,cry,scream,lie,laugh,clean,cook,and fuck just like everyone else....we just do it all better ; -)


Toni said...


Ray of Sunshine said...

I ditto that! A relationship is a relationship no matter who is involved. Great post!


glennishamorgan said...


Anonymous said...

I usually do not leave a response, but after reading a few of the responses here "Lesbian relationships really aren't that much different...".
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