Holidays are here, as they are every year around this same time, and that means bomb ass food, holiday parties, cuddle-buddy weather and family! Sounds like good times, right!?
Pffft *eye roll*
Okay so the food is good. Cuddle-buddy weather... ehh, only if u actually have a cuddle buddy worth having. But the FAMILY lawd...the family. Love em to pieces but damn! No one knows how to work a last nerve better than family. Especially when that last nerve is gay and the family is conservativereligiousclosemindedANDstubborn. Let's talk about it.
So I came out to my parents five years ago. They knew I wasn't straight anyway and they knew (and loved) my partner. I felt like i owed them the awkward fireside chat about it. [not exactly how it went but i'll save that for another time] The rest of my family, i kinda feel like I don't owe them anything. lol. Like really. I'm not gonna have that talk with every single member of my family just because we are related. It's unnecessary and it's not happening. They don't march around chanting I'M STRAIGHT AND PROUD so why do i need to wave the rainbow flag at every festive get together?? um..no
But this can make things a little sticky. When I go to above-mentioned holiday get-togethers and I walk in with my partner, those who don't know her just sit there lookin like all damn night. And that gets a bit irritating. Then come the "sneaky" questions. "So is this your best friend?" "Y'all go to school together?" "Have we met her before?" "She looks just like [insert a drunk unce's name here]...is this his daughter??" knowin damn well my girlfriend doesn't look like ANYBODY in our family!! smh. Please stop trying to make us related just because you are uncomfortable with the thought of us NOT bein related, which means we are probably having sex. Yeah. Just stop.
So what do I do about it? If anyone directly asks me, "soooo are yall together?", I'd happily answer YES and probably throw in a hug for their blunt honesty and intelligence it took to put two and two together. But for the other 98% of my family who are just gonna keep fishing all night with that perplexed look on their face, what do I do with them??
Maybe I should hold a townhall meeting for the entire family, make a general announcement:
To all my friends and family by blood or by happenstance, I would just like to take a few seconds to confirm your assumptions and announce my gayness. Yes I am a card-carrying gay agenda having u-haul trucking lesbian who plans on having babies the UNnatural way within the next couple of years and a man wont be within 3 feet of my vajayjay ever again unless he's my gynecologist/obstetrician and even that isn't guaranteed. To all of you who have asked 4887375 times who this is, is this a cousin, is this a classmate, is this a friend from work- SHE is my partner, isnt she sexy? Yeah, I know. Any questions?? No? Okay. Thanks for coming out [no pun intended] and have a lovely day.
Maybe I should. Hmm. Thoughts??