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Keep in mind that this blog is devoted to all things GAY. That means any news, advice, entertainment, literature, reviews, jokes,polls, etc will be completely curved. I might give it to you with no chaser but it definitely wont be STRAIGHT!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Once a cheater...never a cheater again??

So the topic every time I turn my TV on, check twitter or pull up Yahoo is infidelity. Or adultery if you're married. Cheating. The lack of control over your wayward private parts. OR... the lack of control over your emotional connections.

Of course the latest celeb whoremonger is Tiger Woods. *sigh* Who is surprised? Really? Anyone? I'm never surprised when anyone is busted because umm...reality check= people ain't shit. Now I won't make the sweeping generalization that EVERY ONE will cheat in their lifetime. I'm sure their is a small percent of very sheltered human beings who nobody wants anyway will never cheat in any sort of way. Kudos to them.But most people cheat. It's just life. It sucks. But it's the truth. *confession moment here* I have emotionally cheated on someone and I have been physically and emotionally cheated on multiple times. Once you feel the pain of being cheated on, it usually lays the foundation for you eventually becoming a cheater yourself. You honestly just stop caring because no one else cared enough about you to stay faithful so.....

yeah. *ahem* Anywho, enough about me. I would like to carefully breakdown the two types of cheating and see which one my readers feel would hurt the most.

Behind door # 1 we have Physical Cheating: You would think every one would already know what this is, but ohhh you'd be surprised. If you have a girlfriend and you go out one night and lay a kiss on another chick, you have physically stepped outside the confines of your committed relationship. No if's and's or but's about it, so shut up. The person's lips you were sucking on did not belong to your partners, therefore, it's cheating. Now, the questions is, do you run home and tell your girl that you slobbed on someone else?? Is a kiss really that serious? In a perfect world, you wouldn't have done it in the first place. In a semi-perfect world, you would sit your gf down and tell her the deal. If she's not tripped out on some other shit, she's not gonna break up with you over a kiss. Unless you like kissed her sister or her mom or something. Now, if a kiss led to heavy petting, which led to your face (or any other body parts) being buried in between her legs....ummm, you most definitely have cheated to the nth degree and if you're any type of an ADULT, you'll tell your partner. Consequences are inevitable and you made your decision, so you gotta deal with em. My biggest problem with physically stepping out are the possibilities of catching some type of nasty crotch disease because of hoshit activities. Is it really that serious? If your girl isn't doing it for you sexually, try talking to her and workin it out between the two of you instead of cheating and infecting her with herpes. *gag* OR...maybe it's time to just end the relationship. *shrug*

Behind door # 2 is Emotional Cheating: This is where it gets a little sticky. I admit to not being an expert on all of the signs, symptoms and red flags of what constitutes emo cheating. But I do know more than what most people are comfortable learning about because it will probably make them guilty of it. Of course I'm glad to share the information =-) So i'll try to keep it fairly short and simple. If you are in a committed relationship with one person, and you start having your emotional needs met by someone else outside of that relationship (besides a family member) you might be emotionally cheating. Read carefully. Key word here: might. This is why. Everyone needs more than one person to sustain them mentally. You can not have all of your emotional needs met by one single person, no matter how romantic the shit sounds. It doesn't last forever. Trust me, please. It might feel good at first, and it might seem like a feeling you don't ever want to let go of because being the center of someone's everything kinda feels like heaven. But honestly, it's not healthy. When the dream-bubble bursts and you crash and realize that you don't have any one else to talk to...you'll realize how unhealthy it is. So yeah, everyone in a relationship should have friends to talk/vent to and hang out with. That's a great emotional connection to have, and if those friendships are platonic and if your partner feels comfy with them, that is not emotional cheating in the slightest. Sooo what does emotional cheating look like then, Chanel? Im glad you asked. When you start running to one person to tell your personal business to all the time, when you can't talk to your partner but run your mouth with ease to someone else, when you shut yourself off for your partner but seem to emotionally thrive in the presence of someone else, when you have excessive communication with someone else because you just can't seem not to, when you find yourself making excuses to sneak off to talk to/be around another person, when you just can't get that person off of your mind ...... you are emotionally cheating on your partner. That's what it looks and feels like. It can't be sugar coated. Beneath the sugary fluff, you still have a fucked up situation that is usually hell to get yourself out of.

What to do, what to do!??

The title of this post is "once a cheater, never a cheater again" for a reason. I am one of the few who actually believe that a cheater can be rehabilitated and be able to have long term, meaningful and committed relationships. It is not easy. Actually, it's probably the hardest thing you'll do in life because it requires a change in your mentality AND morality first in order to successfully make change in your social conduct. You can not and will not rise above being a physical or emotional cheater without changing the way you think, feel and react to life. Speaking from personal experience, you gotta have a genuine desire to change first and foremost. It's also great if you can grasp a hold of a good reason to change . Yeah, yeah, the change is ultimately for yourself, bit it does help if you find someone or something that makes sticking to such a task a little bit easier. Once you have the desire, the reason, and the will to do it....anything is quite possible. Like one of my best friends is known to say, "you gotta fake it til you make it." Acting like you have some type of a clue is the best way to eventually end up having that clue. It's not easy to just let go of something you've done for so long. But if you just DO it, force yourself to do it, keep reminding yourself WHY you're doing it, it will become a natural part of yourself. It wont feel natural at first because..well...its not. But once you realize that you are worth having a strong set of morals, and that your partner is truly worth having someone who is committed and 100% there...it starts to feel pretty damn good. Once you see how much control you can exert over what you do and how you do it, it will become the best choice you have ever made in life.

We all have the power to decide how we are going to live our lives. We only have one life to live. Youth is fleeting and we only have so much time to get it right, so if you don't mold yourself into the best possible person you can be before it's too late.... what else are you living for??

Remember if you stay a cheater, you'll leave people feeling like THIS!


Anonymous said...

Fuck. Just...fuck. You weren't playin when u said this shit would make u feel guilty. Wtf!? Ok. I really want to pull my self together but its so hard now because I'm so deep into this other girl but I love my girl friend so much. I don't want to hurt anybody... Damn.

Foxy Brown said...

shit! have you been listening in on me and shortcake the last couple of weeks. dammit. that emo cheating is sneaky. i don't even know what to say. dammit.

RoByn LaTice said...

I think cheating on someone emotionally is way worse than any pyshical cheating! I too am a cheater that will never cheat gain. It took alot of evaluating..but yea! Nice post!

Chanel said...

Anonymous- yeah you know I may not be the most sympathetic right now because that whole "i dont wanna hurt anybody" line....uh uh. Doesnt fly with me. Cuz if u really didnt wanna hurt anyone, u would cut it off. And if you truly love ya girl, you wouldn't be concerned with how much you're hurting anyone besides HER.So..i think u might need to evaluate where your loyalty and your priorities lie before u make any decisions.

Foxy- lol, nah i havent been ear hustling on you and shortcake. lol. It's jus life. I've been thru it, still workin shit out, if thats wut u can call it. smh. So i know.

RoByn- i totally agree with you. I hated being physically cheated on, but when someone u love is emotionally gone...that shit feels like death. And it also feels impossible to get them back without feeling like u have to compete with whomever they r emotionally connected with. That's the worse shit ever.

Thank u guys for commenting =-)

Cook.ThePoet. said...

I heart ya blog forreal.

An award is waiting for you on my page. Go claim it =]


pinkchocolatesunshine said...


hmmm...i've never cheated, but my gf cheated on me back in HS. we are back together but its something you can never forget...i believe our biggest issue is what happened in the past.

cheating is a breach on so many levels. as the person who was cheated on, I believe that the pain is 100x harder on us...i can't understand why the cheater would have a hard time coping with what they consciously did...nor can I understand anyone who says they love someone and then cheat on them...

anyways, thats my two cents on the matter...

great post Chanel, as usual!