Okay soooo let's be 100% blunt here. Women are fuckin nutty buddies. We either cry way too much, or internalize everything beneath a bazillion tons of stone and never cry at all. We rant one moment & wanna cupcake the next. We feel 167% in love on Tuesday and filled with hatred come Saturday. We wanna talk your head off in the morning and give silent treatments in the pm. We can be some straight up fruitcakes. But for those of us women who love/adore/cherish/lust after other women....we can't stay away. Doesn't seem to matter how bright the Out To Lunch sign is, women are addictive. But there are some things we (including myself) have GOT to do better on.
Let's talk about being territorial. *confession moment* I'm goin through a situation where I'm being territorial over someone who isn't mine...for the moment, and I feel authorized to do so because she was mine...for the longest. It sucks ass. I feel like the little kid who attaches himself to his favorite toy inside Toys R Us knowing damn well his mom is cheap as hell and wont be buying it but is STILL emotionally damaged when she yanks the toy out of his hand while he's yelling but its miiiiiiiiiiiineee! *sigh*
Why do we do this? Why is it so hard to just let go and say fine...get the hell on. Holding onto something that isn't yours kinda sounds like a form of robbery. It just sounds so...uggghhh...what's the word I'm looking for here? It feels like a form of cruel and unusual punishment that i'm committing on myself because honestly, if something isn't mine anymore, it takes way more energy to struggle to hold on then it does to wipe your hands clean....
Maybe i'll figure it out one day.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
I won an award!! *tear*
I do believe this is the very first award my blog has ever won! My blog award cherry has been obliterated. I's grown nah!!! *dancin* =-)
Thank you to RoByn Latice over at Life, Love, Sex & All That Jazz for gifting me! Now as I hear, the rules of this award are that now i gotta list 7 things that i love and pass the award on to the next hot blogger. Let's see if i can make that happen.
Se7en Things i <3
* Ben & Jerry's Half Baked Ice Cream- it's almost orgasmic. The choclatey brownies & cookie dough packed in swirls of vanilla and chocolate ice cream....mmmmmmmmmMMMM!
* Blogging/journaling/fiction & poetry writing- Of course. I'm a writer. It's in my blood.
* Getting my nails done- I'm a girly girl. Sue me.
* Atlanta- Lived there for a few yrs in college and absolutely fell in love with the city. Hope to move back one day.
* Music- My 1st love. My Ipod Touch is my best friend in the entire universe.
* Tattoos- I'm so addicted. I have four and i'm planning about four more. The pain & the pleasure of it all is craaazy.
* Purses- Ok so most women have a shoe fetish. I couldn't give two hells less about some damn shoes. But my purses??? Whew chile. Yes lord. My closet over-runneth.
So that's a few of the things I love. Y'all see I purposely left out how much i love my damn self. I could go on and on about that, so i spared u =-) Merry Christmas!!!
Now let's see who to give this award to...I truly enjoy so many blogs it's gonna be a task and a half to single one out. But ummm i'm gonna go ahead and give this one to my blog buddy over at My Affinity. Go check her out. The writing skills are lovely. Thanks again for the award RoByn!
Se7en Things i <3
* Ben & Jerry's Half Baked Ice Cream- it's almost orgasmic. The choclatey brownies & cookie dough packed in swirls of vanilla and chocolate ice cream....mmmmmmmmmMMMM!
* Blogging/journaling/fiction & poetry writing- Of course. I'm a writer. It's in my blood.
* Getting my nails done- I'm a girly girl. Sue me.
* Atlanta- Lived there for a few yrs in college and absolutely fell in love with the city. Hope to move back one day.
* Music- My 1st love. My Ipod Touch is my best friend in the entire universe.
* Tattoos- I'm so addicted. I have four and i'm planning about four more. The pain & the pleasure of it all is craaazy.
* Purses- Ok so most women have a shoe fetish. I couldn't give two hells less about some damn shoes. But my purses??? Whew chile. Yes lord. My closet over-runneth.
So that's a few of the things I love. Y'all see I purposely left out how much i love my damn self. I could go on and on about that, so i spared u =-) Merry Christmas!!!
Now let's see who to give this award to...I truly enjoy so many blogs it's gonna be a task and a half to single one out. But ummm i'm gonna go ahead and give this one to my blog buddy over at My Affinity. Go check her out. The writing skills are lovely. Thanks again for the award RoByn!
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Once a cheater...never a cheater again??
So the topic every time I turn my TV on, check twitter or pull up Yahoo is infidelity. Or adultery if you're married. Cheating. The lack of control over your wayward private parts. OR... the lack of control over your emotional connections.
Of course the latest celeb whoremonger is Tiger Woods. *sigh* Who is surprised? Really? Anyone? I'm never surprised when anyone is busted because umm...reality check= people ain't shit. Now I won't make the sweeping generalization that EVERY ONE will cheat in their lifetime. I'm sure their is a small percent of very sheltered human beings who nobody wants anyway will never cheat in any sort of way. Kudos to them.But most people cheat. It's just life. It sucks. But it's the truth. *confession moment here* I have emotionally cheated on someone and I have been physically and emotionally cheated on multiple times. Once you feel the pain of being cheated on, it usually lays the foundation for you eventually becoming a cheater yourself. You honestly just stop caring because no one else cared enough about you to stay faithful so.....
yeah. *ahem* Anywho, enough about me. I would like to carefully breakdown the two types of cheating and see which one my readers feel would hurt the most.
Behind door # 1 we have Physical Cheating: You would think every one would already know what this is, but ohhh you'd be surprised. If you have a girlfriend and you go out one night and lay a kiss on another chick, you have physically stepped outside the confines of your committed relationship. No if's and's or but's about it, so shut up. The person's lips you were sucking on did not belong to your partners, therefore, it's cheating. Now, the questions is, do you run home and tell your girl that you slobbed on someone else?? Is a kiss really that serious? In a perfect world, you wouldn't have done it in the first place. In a semi-perfect world, you would sit your gf down and tell her the deal. If she's not tripped out on some other shit, she's not gonna break up with you over a kiss. Unless you like kissed her sister or her mom or something. Now, if a kiss led to heavy petting, which led to your face (or any other body parts) being buried in between her legs....ummm, you most definitely have cheated to the nth degree and if you're any type of an ADULT, you'll tell your partner. Consequences are inevitable and you made your decision, so you gotta deal with em. My biggest problem with physically stepping out are the possibilities of catching some type of nasty crotch disease because of hoshit activities. Is it really that serious? If your girl isn't doing it for you sexually, try talking to her and workin it out between the two of you instead of cheating and infecting her with herpes. *gag* OR...maybe it's time to just end the relationship. *shrug*
Behind door # 2 is Emotional Cheating: This is where it gets a little sticky. I admit to not being an expert on all of the signs, symptoms and red flags of what constitutes emo cheating. But I do know more than what most people are comfortable learning about because it will probably make them guilty of it. Of course I'm glad to share the information =-) So i'll try to keep it fairly short and simple. If you are in a committed relationship with one person, and you start having your emotional needs met by someone else outside of that relationship (besides a family member) you might be emotionally cheating. Read carefully. Key word here: might. This is why. Everyone needs more than one person to sustain them mentally. You can not have all of your emotional needs met by one single person, no matter how romantic the shit sounds. It doesn't last forever. Trust me, please. It might feel good at first, and it might seem like a feeling you don't ever want to let go of because being the center of someone's everything kinda feels like heaven. But honestly, it's not healthy. When the dream-bubble bursts and you crash and realize that you don't have any one else to talk to...you'll realize how unhealthy it is. So yeah, everyone in a relationship should have friends to talk/vent to and hang out with. That's a great emotional connection to have, and if those friendships are platonic and if your partner feels comfy with them, that is not emotional cheating in the slightest. Sooo what does emotional cheating look like then, Chanel? Im glad you asked. When you start running to one person to tell your personal business to all the time, when you can't talk to your partner but run your mouth with ease to someone else, when you shut yourself off for your partner but seem to emotionally thrive in the presence of someone else, when you have excessive communication with someone else because you just can't seem not to, when you find yourself making excuses to sneak off to talk to/be around another person, when you just can't get that person off of your mind ...... you are emotionally cheating on your partner. That's what it looks and feels like. It can't be sugar coated. Beneath the sugary fluff, you still have a fucked up situation that is usually hell to get yourself out of.
What to do, what to do!??
The title of this post is "once a cheater, never a cheater again" for a reason. I am one of the few who actually believe that a cheater can be rehabilitated and be able to have long term, meaningful and committed relationships. It is not easy. Actually, it's probably the hardest thing you'll do in life because it requires a change in your mentality AND morality first in order to successfully make change in your social conduct. You can not and will not rise above being a physical or emotional cheater without changing the way you think, feel and react to life. Speaking from personal experience, you gotta have a genuine desire to change first and foremost. It's also great if you can grasp a hold of a good reason to change . Yeah, yeah, the change is ultimately for yourself, bit it does help if you find someone or something that makes sticking to such a task a little bit easier. Once you have the desire, the reason, and the will to do it....anything is quite possible. Like one of my best friends is known to say, "you gotta fake it til you make it." Acting like you have some type of a clue is the best way to eventually end up having that clue. It's not easy to just let go of something you've done for so long. But if you just DO it, force yourself to do it, keep reminding yourself WHY you're doing it, it will become a natural part of yourself. It wont feel natural at first because..well...its not. But once you realize that you are worth having a strong set of morals, and that your partner is truly worth having someone who is committed and 100% there...it starts to feel pretty damn good. Once you see how much control you can exert over what you do and how you do it, it will become the best choice you have ever made in life.
We all have the power to decide how we are going to live our lives. We only have one life to live. Youth is fleeting and we only have so much time to get it right, so if you don't mold yourself into the best possible person you can be before it's too late.... what else are you living for??
Remember if you stay a cheater, you'll leave people feeling like THIS!
Of course the latest celeb whoremonger is Tiger Woods. *sigh* Who is surprised? Really? Anyone? I'm never surprised when anyone is busted because umm...reality check= people ain't shit. Now I won't make the sweeping generalization that EVERY ONE will cheat in their lifetime. I'm sure their is a small percent of very sheltered human beings who
yeah. *ahem* Anywho, enough about me. I would like to carefully breakdown the two types of cheating and see which one my readers feel would hurt the most.
Behind door # 1 we have Physical Cheating: You would think every one would already know what this is, but ohhh you'd be surprised. If you have a girlfriend and you go out one night and lay a kiss on another chick, you have physically stepped outside the confines of your committed relationship. No if's and's or but's about it, so shut up. The person's lips you were sucking on did not belong to your partners, therefore, it's cheating. Now, the questions is, do you run home and tell your girl that you slobbed on someone else?? Is a kiss really that serious? In a perfect world, you wouldn't have done it in the first place. In a semi-perfect world, you would sit your gf down and tell her the deal. If she's not tripped out on some other shit, she's not gonna break up with you over a kiss. Unless you like kissed her sister or her mom or something. Now, if a kiss led to heavy petting, which led to your face (or any other body parts) being buried in between her legs....ummm, you most definitely have cheated to the nth degree and if you're any type of an ADULT, you'll tell your partner. Consequences are inevitable and you made your decision, so you gotta deal with em. My biggest problem with physically stepping out are the possibilities of catching some type of nasty crotch disease because of hoshit activities. Is it really that serious? If your girl isn't doing it for you sexually, try talking to her and workin it out between the two of you instead of cheating and infecting her with herpes. *gag* OR...maybe it's time to just end the relationship. *shrug*
Behind door # 2 is Emotional Cheating: This is where it gets a little sticky. I admit to not being an expert on all of the signs, symptoms and red flags of what constitutes emo cheating. But I do know more than what most people are comfortable learning about because it will probably make them guilty of it. Of course I'm glad to share the information =-) So i'll try to keep it fairly short and simple. If you are in a committed relationship with one person, and you start having your emotional needs met by someone else outside of that relationship (besides a family member) you might be emotionally cheating. Read carefully. Key word here: might. This is why. Everyone needs more than one person to sustain them mentally. You can not have all of your emotional needs met by one single person, no matter how romantic the shit sounds. It doesn't last forever. Trust me, please. It might feel good at first, and it might seem like a feeling you don't ever want to let go of because being the center of someone's everything kinda feels like heaven. But honestly, it's not healthy. When the dream-bubble bursts and you crash and realize that you don't have any one else to talk to...you'll realize how unhealthy it is. So yeah, everyone in a relationship should have friends to talk/vent to and hang out with. That's a great emotional connection to have, and if those friendships are platonic and if your partner feels comfy with them, that is not emotional cheating in the slightest. Sooo what does emotional cheating look like then, Chanel? Im glad you asked. When you start running to one person to tell your personal business to all the time, when you can't talk to your partner but run your mouth with ease to someone else, when you shut yourself off for your partner but seem to emotionally thrive in the presence of someone else, when you have excessive communication with someone else because you just can't seem not to, when you find yourself making excuses to sneak off to talk to/be around another person, when you just can't get that person off of your mind ...... you are emotionally cheating on your partner. That's what it looks and feels like. It can't be sugar coated. Beneath the sugary fluff, you still have a fucked up situation that is usually hell to get yourself out of.
What to do, what to do!??
The title of this post is "once a cheater, never a cheater again" for a reason. I am one of the few who actually believe that a cheater can be rehabilitated and be able to have long term, meaningful and committed relationships. It is not easy. Actually, it's probably the hardest thing you'll do in life because it requires a change in your mentality AND morality first in order to successfully make change in your social conduct. You can not and will not rise above being a physical or emotional cheater without changing the way you think, feel and react to life. Speaking from personal experience, you gotta have a genuine desire to change first and foremost. It's also great if you can grasp a hold of a good reason to change . Yeah, yeah, the change is ultimately for yourself, bit it does help if you find someone or something that makes sticking to such a task a little bit easier. Once you have the desire, the reason, and the will to do it....anything is quite possible. Like one of my best friends is known to say, "you gotta fake it til you make it." Acting like you have some type of a clue is the best way to eventually end up having that clue. It's not easy to just let go of something you've done for so long. But if you just DO it, force yourself to do it, keep reminding yourself WHY you're doing it, it will become a natural part of yourself. It wont feel natural at first because..well...its not. But once you realize that you are worth having a strong set of morals, and that your partner is truly worth having someone who is committed and 100% there...it starts to feel pretty damn good. Once you see how much control you can exert over what you do and how you do it, it will become the best choice you have ever made in life.
We all have the power to decide how we are going to live our lives. We only have one life to live. Youth is fleeting and we only have so much time to get it right, so if you don't mold yourself into the best possible person you can be before it's too late.... what else are you living for??
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Can we skip Christmas 09??
I typically love holiday season. I don't really do all the decorating and cooking [i leave that to the Betty Crocker's and Martha Stewart's in my life] but i do like taking in all the decorative sights, smelling the holiday food, and just overall enjoying the warm & festive vibes that are so prevalent during this time. This year = no bueno. I'm going through so much emotionally and mentally, I don't have any room left in my spirit and in my mind to allow the happiness of the season to sink in. I feel very empty right now and it sucks so bad. I see people goin around, excited to do their xmas shopping, making plans to be with family and friends and i'm like....*sigh* I don't really have much to look forward to this Christmas. It doesn't feel very good. =(
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