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Thursday, December 15, 2011

Physical versus Emotional: A game of monogamy

I was minding my business on Facebook when I came across this comment:
There is a big difference between thinking someone is attractive and having feelings for them. Me and my girl both find people attractive, but having specific feelings for another person is not okay. The day she develops feelings with someone else is the day we have to end it. I don't share. If she loved me or was "in love" with me she wouldn't have feelings for anyone else.
Of course, this got me thinking about relationships and monogamy. Most of us seem to be striving for that certain type of love. I hesitate to say a "fairytale romance" because I don't know what that means. But y'all get what I'm saying. The kind of romance that makes you wanna speed 85mph, rushing home to milk every golden second that you possibly can with your love. The relationship that makes you say yes way more often than no. Kisses that tease smiles from the corners of your lips and quiet moments of intimacy that seem to go on and on...and on. Most of us want that. But when we find it, how long can we really keep it?

Forever is a long time. I've heard that nothing lasts forever and the only thing that goes on and on for eternity is death. [cue morbid music] So what does that mean for the state of amazing relationships? If the relationship is that amazing, one would want to hold on to that person, and only that person, for dear life....right? I would think so. But then I blink and reality seeps back in. Even amazing, love-song inspired, gone with wind-esque meets Romeo and Juliet [without the suicide] romances are susceptible to human error, lust, need, and greed. As expressed in the comment above, most of us have eyes that work, and we are bound to find people attractive outside of our nucleus relationships. I don't find anything particularly wrong with that. I'm reasonable enough to know that my ass, hips, lips, thighs and other delicious parts aren't the only delicacies in the world. So look and look some more, as long as you don't touch.

But how realistic is it to set those parameters on a relationship that two ppl intend to stay in forever? "Baby, I wanna be with you until you die. Which hopefully wont be for a good 60 yrs. And in those 60 years, i expect you to ONLY have sex with me, myself, and I. Not including masturbation. Carry on." O_o

It's a great thought. Having the kind of love that sustains any and all temptation. But is it a better thought than being in a relationship where either person can choose to pursue a physical connection with someone else every now and then as long as the act is fully disclosed?? And if you do have some type of physical arrangement that works for you, what do you do when emotions come to play? Some people say physical indiscretions are way easier to forgive and brush off than emotional. So if your life partner emotionally cheats...do you walk away? Even if you want that person with everything in you...

Is it possible to be in love with someone even if you are not emotionally committed to them?

I could go on and on with the questions so i'll stop there and give up the floor.


Sunny said...

Hmmm that's a good question...I don't think you can be in love with someone and not be emotionally attached...thats seems a bit wierd.

Being in love is an emotion and that would cause you to be emotionally attached right?

Chanel said...

@Sunny, yeah i dnt think u can be in love and not be emotionally attached. But can u be in love and not be emotionally committed to that one person. Meaning, u have space to have feelings for someone else also.

Jezebel Delilah X said...

I think you can be absolutely in love with one person, and have room to build emotional relationships with others. For example, I was deeply in love and attached to my last partner, but I also deeply loved and cared for my other platonic friends. I felt committed to those friends, and their actions/behaviors/emotions affected me similarly to how those of my partner would. Further, my intense love for my ex did not, in any way, affect the love I have stored away from my first love. That love will always be with me, regardless of what directions my life takes. I think humanity in itself is very complex, and different people are capable of different things. I have felt romantically in love with more than one person at a time, and both of those loves felt incredibly real and viable. Only one lasted, and its currently platonic, but like the plates of this earth...everything is always shifting, changing, moving. Monogamy is a cultural phenomenon and has looked different as it relates to geographic and temporal location. I think the main problem comes when we begin to project our values and ideals on others and claim that our mode of behavior is the only correct one. xoxo