"I am now able to look back on and analyze our relationship from an outside, mental point of view because my heart has no remnants of the IN."
I follow a lot of great LGBT blogs and it never fails that I'm creatively motivated by one thing or another from other bloggers posts. Tonight I came across a post from one of my favorites, My Affinity, which is where I got the above quote. Read it again...and think about that moment in time...that person who you never thought you would ever fall out of that emotionally charged hyper-sensitive chaotic life changing love. Do you remember that? When you were caught up dead in the center of the knot...tangled...turned every which way and didn't know whether you were comin or going. Remember staying up well past midnight losing sleep and mental energy by way of tears and poetry...remember that? When every mention of that person sparked either a smile or a cringe because of a memory too sticky sweet to let go.
That's being IN. You can't really 'do' anything when you're IN. Might as well surrender to it and let it flow however it wants...
But like everything else in the cycle of life, if being IN is not properly nourished, cared for, protected, defended, respected and most importantly, WANTED...it will fade. Even though it feels like the feelings couldn't possibly go anywhere...time has a way of making us look back and say damn...remember when ...????
Have you ever just felt it, that moment when you realize the IN is gone? Usually you can tell when it's starting to turn transparent...but do you ever take note of the exact moment when it's honestly, fully, solidly just no longer? smh. It's a powerful strange reflective moment.
"Time changes things. Time heals all wounds. Time makes a fool out of what we thought we knew..."