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Monday, November 7, 2011

When the IN fades...

"I am now able to look back on and analyze our relationship from an outside, mental point of view because my heart has no remnants of the IN."

I follow a lot of great LGBT blogs and it never fails that I'm creatively motivated by one thing or another from other bloggers posts. Tonight I came across a post from one of my favorites, My Affinity, which is where I got the above quote. Read it again...and think about that moment in time...that person who you never thought you would ever fall out of that emotionally charged hyper-sensitive chaotic life changing love. Do you remember that? When you were caught up dead in the center of the knot...tangled...turned every which way and didn't know whether you were comin or going. Remember staying up well past midnight losing sleep and mental energy by way of tears and poetry...remember that? When every mention of that person sparked either a smile or a cringe because of a memory too sticky sweet to let go.

That's being IN. You can't really 'do' anything when you're IN. Might as well surrender to it and let it flow however it wants...

But like everything else in the cycle of life, if being IN is not properly nourished, cared for, protected, defended, respected and most importantly, WANTED...it will fade. Even though it feels like the feelings couldn't possibly go anywhere...time has a way of making us look back and say damn...remember when ...????

Have you ever just felt it, that moment when you realize the IN is gone? Usually you can tell when it's starting to turn transparent...but do you ever take note of the exact moment when it's honestly, fully, solidly just no longer? smh. It's a powerful strange reflective moment.

"Time changes things. Time heals all wounds. Time makes a fool out of what we thought we knew..."

9 comments:

hotfemmeinthecity said...

Being IN really sucks!

etherealfyre.com said...

I totally know what you mean about being IN and the proper care.
Great post!

Chanel said...

@hotfemmeinthecity I agree that it can suck, especially if the person isnt as IN as you are...then it really sucks. Or if u just know the relationship is over...but u cant seem to shake the IN...sucks. But when both ppl are feeling it and in love, it can be one of the most beautiful experiences.

@etherealfyre, thank you :)

Dani A said...

You are so right about that moment. I can actually remember a lot of moments that i knew were the last moments. Something that was said. An action that was done. A look. A touch. Something was just off. That "in" business is something else. Because when you're in you can't see past anything that doesn't involve that one person.

Thanks so much for sharing.

missextraordinary said...

Being IN not only bites, it's difficult.

I dig this point of view.

KDaddy said...

It's said that in such things, it's hard to see the forest for the trees and while I do so enjoy not seeing the trees, I maintain an awareness that I am, in fact, in a forest and that I have to be mindful of all that involves. It's like setting aside a part of myself and it's job is to be objective, watch what I'm doing, then let me know when I begin to get oblivious to the point where I no longer know I'm in the forest... because there is such a thing as getting lost in the IN - and that's not a good thing.

Chanel said...

Rmembering the last moments can be such a painful moment but usually can also be a learning lesson also.I've learned some thingsthat I will never do again because I knew they maked the end of a past relationship. Thank u guys for these great respnses!

KDaddy said...

Chanel makes a good point but let me ask you this; just because something went "wrong" the last time, does this mean it'll go wrong again? I know this is the way we all tend to behave and, if you can step back and look it this, does it make sense?

It's the thing that makes me say to people, "Okay, I see how that all got screwed up and all that... but I'm not that guy; this is now, not then, and while (whatever) didn't work for you then, it doesn't mean it won't work now..."

We cannot do anything about the fact that we are the sum of our experiences or that we will refer to those experiences as we move forward - but we do so as if our actions in the past will always have the same negative effect in any future we have. We get that "I ain't gonna do this again" thing in our heads and while it does make sense, it often has the purpose of setting ourselves up to fail if and when the next situation or relationship comes up.

You did something then and it didn't go well... but you really don't know if it's not gonna work in some future, right? Really weird how and why we do this...

Chanel said...

"You did something then and it didn't go well... but you really don't know if it's not gonna work in some future, right? Really weird how and why we do this..."

Such a good point. Hmmm....