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Keep in mind that this blog is devoted to all things GAY. That means any news, advice, entertainment, literature, reviews, jokes,polls, etc will be completely curved. I might give it to you with no chaser but it definitely wont be STRAIGHT!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

THIS is why Studs & Fems can't be friends...

As usual, I have to state that I do realize there are always exceptions to every rule. Not all people will fall under my sweeping account as to why Stud and Fem friendships = a hot ass mess. But MOST do, and YOU are probably one of the most so get over it. Moving on...

As I thought about a couple of situations that have dramatically unfolded for people I know, I came to the realization that under most circumstances, studs and fems cannot just be friends. UNLESS (pay attention here) the stud and fem are both extremely unattracted to one another. By unattracted I mean, there's something about the fem that turns the stud wayyyy off, and there's something about the stud that the fem can't romantically tolerate. Under these conditions, a healthy and non-romantic friendship may be possible because there's no imminent threat of anything else happening. But when you have an attractive stud and an attractive feminine woman trying to embark on a 100% platonic BFF moment.... no maam. This is why.

There's this thing that I call StemChem. [ Stud + Fem + Chemistry] Follow me here. Studs (if they're worth anything) have this natural need to protect fems. Some even go as far as to cater to fems if it comes naturally, example: opening doors, pulling out chairs, making fems walk on the inside instead of close to the street, being really good listeners/shoulders to cry on, etc. All of this doesn't always necessarily mean that the stud wants to jump the fems bones. She could just be very considerate and charming, which is great. But then, you have us fems. Most of us really really like being treated with that sort of attention and care. Many women are not use to it and when they get a taste of the "treatment", its instant addiction. It's quite easy for fems to get caught up in being treated like a lady cuz um...sorry to say it, most of who we date ain't worth shit on two sticks. So introduce a fem to a GOOD stud who knows how to act and its a wrap. Head in the clouds, butterflies in the stomach, and pussy jumpin-jacks. This will happen EVEN IF THEY ARE CLAIMING TO ONLY BE FRIENDS. And of course the stud starts to feel like she's doin something right, her ego will get stroked and this will only make her step it up even more, which only makes the fem drool even more, which only makes the stud start thinkin hmmmmm, which then makes the fem start thinking hmmmmmm, and once the fem thinks hmmmm it's a done deal people. Cuz if the fem is open, TRUST, the stud will be there to fill whichever wide open spaces that need to be plugged. Smh. It's a fragile and dangerous cycle, this StemChem. And it happens 9 times outta 10. I'm just sayin.

Now, what I will also say is that all of this stud/fem chemistry wont always lead to something. Just because the dynamic is there, doesn't mean both people will always be willing to throw caution to the wind and risk a friendship by taking it to a sexual or emotionally inappropriate level. Either the stud or the fem might have a strong dose of common sense and know when and how to back up before it gets too hot. But it is important that both parties can mutually respect the boundaries if any are set in place. If you have a stud sayin no, but the fem is still tossin ass at her every which way....ummm...it's not gonna work out. And vice versa. If the fem is sayin we need to chill out, and the stud continues in full don juan mode, that friendship is bound for disaster.

Simply put (after allll of that) the sensual dynamic between studs and feminine women is obviously strong and very seductive for those of us who love it. It can sneak up on you and catch you off guard. It can be plotted and schemed into happening. It can never happen at all. But the possibility of it is huge. Knowing yourself and having a firm grasp on what you do or don't want to happen is key when attempting a friendship with someone of the opposite umm... label. lol. Knowing and respecting your boundaries, your limits and your areas of temptation can keep you outta some serious shit if you pay attention and LISTEN. We all have weak spots but we don't have to give in to them. It is a choice, whether you like to accept the personal responsibility or not. It's a hard lesson to learn and you will learn it eventually. Trust me. I know. So be smart and be careful.

And now, as usual after writing such posts, I need a drink :)


Tina-cious.com said...

StemChem made me laugh out loud. LOL

We don't have an abundance of studs 'round these parts.

Send some out here! I could use some eye candy... then again, after re-reading your post, never mind. LOLOL

Lyriq said...

YESSSSSSSSS! Omg. YES. To everything you just said...yes. Am i printing your post out right now? Yes. Am i going to hand it over to my girlfriend when she gets home? Hell yes. I be tryin to tell her that she can't try to befriend everything in a damn skirt. It just wont work. Somebody is always gonna get hurt. Either me cuz she's gonna fuck around and let something stupid happen, or the other chick cuz imma beat her ass, or my gf cuz imma go upside her head for bein stupid. smh. Okay. Printed and she'll be hm in 30. Cant wait for this convo! Great blog mama.

chanel said...

@tina lol. No u keep ahold of what u have goin on over there and leave the studs alone!

@lyriq uh oh. I hope I didn't get her in trouble! Thanks for reading and printing it out. Lol

Candace S. said...

It seems like blame for inappropriate relations is being blamed on the fems. I get what you're sayin here. But it seems like fems r getting a hard rap. And what about straight feminine women who have stud friends?? No harm in that.

Love your blog by the way

Chanel said...

@candace um u dnt really want me to go there about straight women and studs. Jus know that I know they aren't harmless in the slightest.

I dnt think I'm being any harder on the fems than I am on the studs. Its a shared cause and effect. I do think that fems tend to start "thinkng" with their hearts first which sets the scene for drama. But studs have an equal share in it that they typically dnt know how and when to say NO.

Thanks for reading :)

Anonymous said...

Hey, Lady!!
I hope you are well. :)

This post was quite an interesting read... informative. I enjoyed it! You know I am still learning. Lol...

"...Knowing yourself and having a firm grasp on what you do or don't want to happen is key when attempting a friendship with someone of the opposite umm... label. lol..."

This made me laugh out loud too.

Lady K said...

I am like Liriq.... yes, yes and hell yes!!! I have so had this convo before! And will be forwarding this info on .... yes ma'am! I read the post twice and did not really see where fems were taking the brunt of the blame, I'm a fem, an EMOTIONAL fem and can see it from both sides! You kept it real, as you always do... thanks!