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Friday, January 8, 2010

Taking space in a relationship: worth it or bullsh it ?

Alrighty now blog-lovelies, so this topic is near and not-so-dear to my heart. I'm sure some of you have wandered upon the dreaded bridge called Taking Space from a relationship. From this bridge of space most couples end up jumping off of it and drowning in the murky waters of hatred and bitterness. But I do know of instances where couples are able to take space and come back reinvigorated, renewed, and ready to give their all to one another again. What defines the difference and how do you know whether or not space is needed between you and yours? Well that's what the hell I wanna know so why r u askin me?? lol. I kid, I kid. Let's figure this out together.

The way I see it, taking space is like coming to a fork in the road where going to the right will eventually lead you to paradise, while turning left will land u in Compton at 2:30 in the morning with $500 in a Louis bag smellin of weed and cheap sex. You get my drift? It all depends on how you and your partner conduct yourselves while on the break. It also depends on communication and RULES. No one likes rules but dammit sometimes they're necessary in order to keep shit in tact. A break is a break. But what does that mean? Is your break one of those breaks where ANYTHING goes? Are both of yall allowed to fuck with other people? Be emotionally involved with other people? Or is it merely time apart to evaluate what the hell is going on and to figure out what u need from each other?

In my honest opinion, I think breaks that end with couples successfully coming back to each other on a positive note start with the rule that engaging in physical or emotional "affairs" with other people is off limits. Obviously the relationship must be important enough to not just 100% end it (hence you're just taking a "break") so why complicate it by getting involved with someone else on the side?? It makes you look like an ass who really just needed space and opportunity to fuck with someone else. In that case, don't call it a break. Be woman enough to call it quits.

I don't know just how well taking space truly works. But I do know that sometimes space is necessary. If you and your sig other argue more than yall have sex....take space. If you can't seem to get over an issue or issues concerning your partner and things have been extra tense for awhile....take space. If you are doubting your feelings for your partner....take space. But please PLEASE know what it means when you opt for taking space over just breaking up entirely. Know that you have left an amount of hope and expectation that the relationship will be picked back up and made a priority once again. Do what you have to do to get yourself in line but remember that one day you will return to that person hoping that they will let you take them off the shelf, dust them off and love them again. No one will wait forever. If you're taking space from someone you don't want to lose forever, you'd be smart if you act like it.

Abusing the space you take looks a lil sumthin like this:
-finding a sex buddy to hold u over until u get back with your partner
-establishing an emotional connection with someone else that is deeper than 100% friendship
-when the space you take can be spoken of in terms of YEARS, you're doing way too much. Just break it off completely.
-running the streets like a college student on spring break at Mardi Gras. Is that what the space was for? I think not

6 comments:

Lady K said...

OMG! Woosaw, I needed to hear this, more so, the why a break is needed, I already knew but it never hurts to read the lesson again.

Foxy Brown said...

get the hell out of my head! plz and thank you :)

Chanel said...

Lady K you are so right. It never ever hurts to revisit this lesson because it it such a hard one to learn in the first place. smh. Im jus NOW gettin it my damn self...and not even fully. lol

Foxy...girl. lol. Goin thru it too? smh.

RoByn LaTice said...

I needed to read this too. Thanks girl..always refreshing to read your words!

Knowledge said...

Great post, Chanel. I wanted to add that one of the biggest detriments to doing exactly this are the couples where one of the girlfriends doesn't want to, or believe in giving space. It's either all or none. So, I think it's important for both partners to realize that sometimes this is necessary, it can save your relationship, especially when you know you belong together and you simply need, a little space. Great advice. Especially the off limits part, that should be a no-brainer, but people often use it as an excuse, which fucks it up for people who have no intention of doing that. Good stuff to consider.

Foxy Brown said...

yo baby girl, you aight? it's been a minute since we heard from you last.