When the need for validation becomes dangerous...

Validate: To authenticate, verify, prove and or give a sense of worth to something or someone

I like to think that I'm a very confident, reassured woman who feels secure in the many things that I have to offer to friends, family and society as a whole. Most people looking at me from the outside would probably guess that I have never had much of a low self-esteem problem, and if anything I have a little too much. lol. I agree that I was raised by parents who made sure that I was told i'm beautiful, i'm smart and i'm worth it [sounds like a L'oreal ad], and I have bypassed many of the hangups that women fall prey to especially in younger years when feelings of inadequacy are hard to fight. But as an adult I think I may have dropped the ball.

Lately i've been talking with a couple of friends who are stuggling with validation. One friend has ended a long term relationship and is now wondering if she's even deserving of anything better because she can't seem to find it anywhere, therefore she's now searching everywhere. [Never a good thing.] Another friend is in a very very long term relationship that has been unstable for the past 4 yrs or so, mainly because her partner is a psycho. [sorry but she is] Over the past yr, her partner has attempted to turn a new leaf and start acting like she has some sense. But for my friend it's a tad bit too late because now her eyes are starting to wander and she's finding herself in situations where she's craving something more...from someone else.

I have a problem with needing attention and I tend to get it by interacting with people whom I know I shouldn't interact with because either 1) they're obviously attracted to me, or 2)i'm attracted to them. If I was single, it would be all good. But i'm not so it's most definitely all BAD. I haven't physically crossed any boundaries but u know that whole flirt thing that precariously tiptoes the line of emotional cheating and so forth... [sigh]

All of the above situations scream out a need to be validated. I know it's natural for people to want attention and to feel as if we're doing something right, or to feel attractive and wanted. But when does it cross the line into dangerous territory? When should validation from within be enough? Or is it ever truly enough? Should your significant other ever be your only source of outside validation?