Being out and staying sane

Holidays are here, as they are every year around this same time, and that means bomb ass food, holiday parties, cuddle-buddy weather and family! Sounds like good times, right!?

Pffft *eye roll*

Okay so the food is good. Cuddle-buddy weather... ehh, only if u actually have a cuddle buddy worth having. But the FAMILY lawd...the family. Love em to pieces but damn! No one knows how to work a last nerve better than family. Especially when that last nerve is gay and the family is conservativereligiousclosemindedANDstubborn. Let's talk about it.

So I came out to my parents five years ago. They knew I wasn't straight anyway and they knew (and loved) my partner. I felt like i owed them the awkward fireside chat about it. [not exactly how it went but i'll save that for another time] The rest of my family, i kinda feel like I don't owe them anything. lol. Like really. I'm not gonna have that talk with every single member of my family just because we are related. It's unnecessary and it's not happening. They don't march around chanting I'M STRAIGHT AND PROUD so why do i need to wave the rainbow flag at every festive get together?? um..no

But this can make things a little sticky. When I go to above-mentioned holiday get-togethers and I walk in with my partner, those who don't know her just sit there lookin like all damn night. And that gets a bit irritating. Then come the "sneaky" questions. "So is this your best friend?" "Y'all go to school together?" "Have we met her before?" "She looks just like [insert a drunk unce's name here]...is this his daughter??" knowin damn well my girlfriend doesn't look like ANYBODY in our family!! smh. Please stop trying to make us related just because you are uncomfortable with the thought of us NOT bein related, which means we are probably having sex. Yeah. Just stop.

So what do I do about it? If anyone directly asks me, "soooo are yall together?", I'd happily answer YES and probably throw in a hug for their blunt honesty and intelligence it took to put two and two together. But for the other 98% of my family who are just gonna keep fishing all night with that perplexed look on their face, what do I do with them??

*sigh*

Maybe I should hold a townhall meeting for the entire family, make a general announcement:

To all my friends and family by blood or by happenstance, I would just like to take a few seconds to confirm your assumptions and announce my gayness. Yes I am a card-carrying gay agenda having u-haul trucking lesbian who plans on having babies the UNnatural way within the next couple of years and a man wont be within 3 feet of my vajayjay ever again unless he's my gynecologist/obstetrician and even that isn't guaranteed. To all of you who have asked 4887375 times who this is, is this a cousin, is this a classmate, is this a friend from work- SHE is my partner, isnt she sexy? Yeah, I know. Any questions?? No? Okay. Thanks for coming out [no pun intended] and have a lovely day.

Maybe I should. Hmm. Thoughts??

What makes you a lesbian?

Please bare with me here as this topic is quite touchy for me and for many others, therefore, if I stay a little too long on my soap box...get over it. It's my blog. K thanx.

Now. lesbehonest (i had to do it. Shout out to Drake) not everything that glitters is gold. We all know this. The same applies to lesbians. Not everything that eats pussy is gay. Allow me to repeat: NOT EVERYTHING THAT STICKS ITS FACE INSIDE OF A VAGINA OR LETS ANOTHER WOMAN STICK HER FACE INSIDE HER VAGINA IS A LESBIAN.

Of course, we have bisexuals. And I mean honest to God bisexuals. They are mentally and physically attracted to both sexes and can be in long term committed relationships with either/or. That is a bisexual. And if that is YOU, good for you, here's your gold star for the month.

But i'm not even dealing with the bi's today. I'm dealing with the women who slip and fall on another woman's strap on Tuesday and wants to call herself a lesbian by Friday. FUCK outta here.

OR...the "straight" women who "catch feelings" for a random ass female once in a blue moon as if "the gay" can be caught and sprinkled by magic leprechauns. Y'all are the worst. The WORST. It's these women who go gay by accident for a quick fix who give REAL lesbians a horrible rep. And yall dumb ass lesbians who fall for them might as well hand over your gay cards cuz you are being P L A Y E D. Smh & *shrug*

So let me ask, what makes you a lesbian?

I know what makes ME a lesbian. I love ALL things woman. I love pussy. Everything about it. I love estrogen. I love female pheromones. I love hot flashes bitch fests tears psychoanalytical bullshit mental instability emotional roller coasters girl-sex strap ons/strap off EVERYTHING. I want to marry a woman. I want to have babies with a woman. I want to spend the rest of my crazy ass life with a woman. I cannot live thrive or survive without the love of a woman. And men could disappear off the continent tomorrow and I wouldn't cry narry a drop. That sounds pretty damn lesbian to me.

Top that.

Allow me to make this proclamation

Being in love with someone of the same sex is in no shape or form easier than being in love with someone of the opposite sex. I make this claim for a few reasons, one being that my opinion was asked on what I think of the nature of female drama. Is it always like this? I believe was the question. And to that I yelled an emphatic YESSSSSSSSSSS. Drama is as drama does and drama does not get any nicer or sugary sweet simply because of the anatomy between the legs of your partner. In reality, drama tends to be sharpened to that of an ice pick when it comes to women. It's nothing pretty.

But of course, as not to scare away any newbies in the atmosphere, I must back this caution up by saying that although the drama is indeed a particularly sour taste upon the lesbian palate, the good times, the smiles, laughter and pleasure to be experienced when love is in the air between two women...is a thing unparalleled.

And that's all I have to say about the upside of things seeing as how my love life is fantastically shitty these days.

I'm done.