I jus can't get enough of stud/fem couples *swoon*

So it's not a secret at all how much i love studs. They're it for me. Well, actually only one stud is IT for me, but i'm jus sayin. I love the fem/stud relationship dynamic. Something about a feisty, shit-talking, sweet-smelling, lip-gloss wearin femme and a laid-back, dressed-to-kill, sneakers OR dress shoe wearin, smooth-talkin "i got this, babe" stud....mmmmm. Loves it. Not throwin any shade at all to my femme/femme, stud/stud or lableless couples out there. I see yall :-) I jus have a soft spot for stud/femme love. So let's celebrate it!!!!

Last three pics courtesy of : Black is Beautiful, Gay is Good

THIS is why Studs & Fems can't be friends...

As usual, I have to state that I do realize there are always exceptions to every rule. Not all people will fall under my sweeping account as to why Stud and Fem friendships = a hot ass mess. But MOST do, and YOU are probably one of the most so get over it. Moving on...

As I thought about a couple of situations that have dramatically unfolded for people I know, I came to the realization that under most circumstances, studs and fems cannot just be friends. UNLESS (pay attention here) the stud and fem are both extremely unattracted to one another. By unattracted I mean, there's something about the fem that turns the stud wayyyy off, and there's something about the stud that the fem can't romantically tolerate. Under these conditions, a healthy and non-romantic friendship may be possible because there's no imminent threat of anything else happening. But when you have an attractive stud and an attractive feminine woman trying to embark on a 100% platonic BFF moment.... no maam. This is why.

There's this thing that I call StemChem. [ Stud + Fem + Chemistry] Follow me here. Studs (if they're worth anything) have this natural need to protect fems. Some even go as far as to cater to fems if it comes naturally, example: opening doors, pulling out chairs, making fems walk on the inside instead of close to the street, being really good listeners/shoulders to cry on, etc. All of this doesn't always necessarily mean that the stud wants to jump the fems bones. She could just be very considerate and charming, which is great. But then, you have us fems. Most of us really really like being treated with that sort of attention and care. Many women are not use to it and when they get a taste of the "treatment", its instant addiction. It's quite easy for fems to get caught up in being treated like a lady cuz um...sorry to say it, most of who we date ain't worth shit on two sticks. So introduce a fem to a GOOD stud who knows how to act and its a wrap. Head in the clouds, butterflies in the stomach, and pussy jumpin-jacks. This will happen EVEN IF THEY ARE CLAIMING TO ONLY BE FRIENDS. And of course the stud starts to feel like she's doin something right, her ego will get stroked and this will only make her step it up even more, which only makes the fem drool even more, which only makes the stud start thinkin hmmmmm, which then makes the fem start thinking hmmmmmm, and once the fem thinks hmmmm it's a done deal people. Cuz if the fem is open, TRUST, the stud will be there to fill whichever wide open spaces that need to be plugged. Smh. It's a fragile and dangerous cycle, this StemChem. And it happens 9 times outta 10. I'm just sayin.

Now, what I will also say is that all of this stud/fem chemistry wont always lead to something. Just because the dynamic is there, doesn't mean both people will always be willing to throw caution to the wind and risk a friendship by taking it to a sexual or emotionally inappropriate level. Either the stud or the fem might have a strong dose of common sense and know when and how to back up before it gets too hot. But it is important that both parties can mutually respect the boundaries if any are set in place. If you have a stud sayin no, but the fem is still tossin ass at her every which way....ummm...it's not gonna work out. And vice versa. If the fem is sayin we need to chill out, and the stud continues in full don juan mode, that friendship is bound for disaster.

Simply put (after allll of that) the sensual dynamic between studs and feminine women is obviously strong and very seductive for those of us who love it. It can sneak up on you and catch you off guard. It can be plotted and schemed into happening. It can never happen at all. But the possibility of it is huge. Knowing yourself and having a firm grasp on what you do or don't want to happen is key when attempting a friendship with someone of the opposite umm... label. lol. Knowing and respecting your boundaries, your limits and your areas of temptation can keep you outta some serious shit if you pay attention and LISTEN. We all have weak spots but we don't have to give in to them. It is a choice, whether you like to accept the personal responsibility or not. It's a hard lesson to learn and you will learn it eventually. Trust me. I know. So be smart and be careful.

And now, as usual after writing such posts, I need a drink :)

Femmes vs. Studs

Okay so I came up with this idea from a response I got on my last post. That's why I love when my readers comment because it keeps the cycle of ideas flowing.

Anyway, so some lesbians don't buy into the whole label thing. I buy into it all day long. I'm a very visually descriptive person, so by nature I tend to categorize people by physicalities, characteristics, style of dress, mannerisms, persona and consistency. (Trust me. Consistency is important.) So the whole stud, femme, stem, aggressive, dom thing works well for me. But that's not the point of this post.

The point is that when I first began to immerse myself in the lifestyle, I was fairly oblivious to what a stud was. I had heard of it in high school, but I wasn't turned on by the thought of a female dressing like a guy. That's all I assumed it added up to. A woman who wants to be a man. So I kinda shyed away from studs and marked them as territory I didn't necesarily feel comfortable with. (my own igonrance, i know) Then slowly but surely, I began meeting studs after I moved to Atlanta and actually took the time to stop being retarded and got to know a few. I picked up on the stud-swag and had to admit it was kinda cute. Up until then, I really wasn't all that attracted to studs. Give me a sexy feminine woman with thick thighs & hips ANY day and i'd be happy ALL day.





Uh...I don't know what happened.




It's like studs started doing some wierd jedi mind warp thing on me and I began noticing them like crazy. I dated my first stud in 2004 and haven't looked back since. lol. Now, I still find other femmes to be beautiful and we can be beneficial friends but I don't think I could go back to dating femmes. Ever. There's just something about the stud/femme dynamic in a relationship that just works for me. Don't ask me what it is cuz i don't know how to explain it but some of y'all get me....right? So do u have a preference or does it really matter at all?


Love of my life

Labels are for cans

I've touched on this topic before on another site and I thought I would revisit the issue here to see how my rainbow roomies feel about it. As of today, there are approximately 398,487,577,74 labels for the LGBT community. 398,587,577,70 of those seem to be reserved for lesbians in particular. Allow me to name a few:

Fem, stud, fem aggressive, dom, lipstick fem, soft stud, hard stud, butch, pillow princess, sub fem, stem, tomboi, high fem, etc...

To some, all of these labels are an unecessary confinement used to box people in. Thus they choose to define themselves as labeless. I can understand this view point to a certain extent because I certainly don't want anyone to tell me what I am and what i'm not. But I do believe in and see nothing wrong in defining myself. And correct me if i'm wrong, but if you go around calling yourself labeless...doesn't that then become a label???

One word can never fully describe who I am. But a label or two can provide a generalized sense of my physical make up and help give a basic understanding of some of my characteristics. I see myself, and am pretty sure that most other people would see me as a fem. I dress feminine, get my nails & hair done, wear make up, pinky finger extended when i hold a glass, blah blah blah. So i'm comfortable identifying as a feminine lesbian. Now this doesn't mean someone should mistake my feminine qualities as a weakness because i'll still knock someone in the throat if I have to, french manicured tips and all. LOL. But seriously though...

I don't think there's any harm in using labels to help paint a picture of your persona. As long as you make the labels instead of letting the labels make you...what's the harm in it?