Twisted knot of intimacy

A rather astute FB friend of mine posted a status earlier today that simply said "Companionship is NOT the same thing as a relationship." I wholeheartedly agree. That got me thinking though about how intricate [fucked up] situations can become when the lines between friendship/companionship/relationship are blurred whether it be on purpose or an ooops.

I feel like most ppl know the definition of a friend, a lover, and a companion. But just for the hell of it, here you go.

FRIEND: A person who has regard for another by means of platonic affection and interaction.
LOVER: A person who has a sexual and/or romantic relationship with another.
COMPANION: A person who is frequently in the company of, associates with, or accompanies another and feels safe doing so.

These categories seem pretty clear cut on the surface. But uh uh. No ma'am. People start mixin & minglin with different expectations/interpretations and before you know it, some type of drama unravels. I feel like this. You can't have a real friendship without sharing a sense of companionship with that person. You CAN have a romantic relationship without having a sense of companionship...but it sucks big time and that relationship will not last. You CAN have a friend...who is also your lover...but we all know how bad sex usually complicates things. [not BAD sex, just sex in general, whether its good or bad. Although sucky sex can royally mess shit up. But I digress] You can also have a friend who makes a great companion and you would be feelin' them in the lover department, but you're too afraid to take it there so y'all are just stuck in that severely awkward phase where everyone around y'all kinda just stare at you like who the hell are YALL tryin to fool O_0 smh.

It's a lot. Especially when emotional attachments are in the picture, or when you're in a relationship with someone and have really close friendships outside of the relationship and jealousy surfaces from the partner OR from the friends. sigh. It makes my head hurt. I'm thinking that it's not that people don't know what friendship or relationships mean. I think it's the P word that throws things off. So...here's what the dictionary says.

PLATONIC: Free from sensual desire. Void of connections both physical and emotional that are parallel to that of a [healthy] romantic relationship.

Yep. Most people get a massive FAIL when it comes to developing and maintaining strictly platonic friendships. There seems to always be SOMEthing that SOMEone can't refrain from doing that adds an extra layer of intimacy to a friendship that muddies the water. [or makes it more beautiful, depending on who you ask] SO what the hell to do!!?? Do you choose to not have close friends? Do you choose to not have a life partner? Do you have both and just deal with the drama as it comes, oh and it WILL come in one form or another. Do you lock yourself away and tell everyone to fuck themselves cuz aint none of yall shit anyway???

I mean...i'm just sayin.

So you say she's just a friend...

Happy Tuesday everyone! Im tryin to be all excited about it & give off positive vibes, but anyone who knows me knows that I truly can not get excited over any day of the week besides the love of my life a.k.a FRIDAY. But still. Happy Tuesday.

So let's talk about friends. I've been making them my entire life. Never really had a problem making and keeping friends when I was younger because I was very friendly, a social butterfly of sorts and kept myself out there like that. Plus everyone just likes me :-) But i'm noticing that as I get older (i'm talkin like 25 is next to death) my readiness to open up and befriend people has dwindled down to very meager levels. I believe there are quite a few reasons for this, including the fact that i'm busy as hell and really have no free time to galavant the streets how I use to. Thats just something I can't help right now. But something I should be able to control but really dont have much of a clue where to start is how to initiate and maintain close friendships while in a serious relationship without letting the green-eyed jealousy bandit rear its head on either side.

I'm a little a lot envious of people who are able to balance friendships and relationships with perfect precision. I've never been good at it. Someone always ends up mad at me. My friends cuz i spend too much time under my gf, or my gf cuz she feels neglected , or worse threatened, by my closeness with my friends. Its just too much. So that led me to kinda drop the friendship ball & I didnt feel too bad about it because my current gf has become one of my best friends anyway! Which is a good thing. The problem arises though when 1 or both people in the relationship start to feel the pressure of always being together, never hanging out with other people, thus experiencing overkill. NOT a good thing. But what do you do now that you're use to having all of someone's attention, and you're use to only having to cater to one person? It's hard to just break habits and jump back into having a social life. lol. It's also close to impossible to be willing and ready to let go of a chunk of your gf's time, space, and opportunity. Yes, i've become a selfish greedy girlfriend hog and I don't know how to stop it :-(

I dont know why, when, where or how this happened. Kinda blind-sided me because i've never been a clingy person. Ever. I never liked being up under any of my significant others 24/7. I use to need my own space to breathe and just do me. I use to really not care about whoever I was with having friends and hanging out without me because I could just go do the same thing. And if I wasn't hanging out with other people, I'd be perfectly fine being by my damn self at home! That Chanel is no longer among us. But someone needs to find her and bring her ass back quick fast and in a hurry cuz this new Chanel is NOT the bizness. I repeat : idontlikeher

Blah.

I just wanna enjoy my relationship, enjoy my girl friend, enjoy other people appropriately, and honestly trust that she can and will do the same without any bull shit and drama on either side from any one. Why is this so hard?