Can we be friends?? Hell no.

So as I'm up at some ungodly hour early in the morning thinking about the mess that is my life right now, i'm simultaneously clicking on random Youtube links. I came across a video talkin about past relationships that went sour and how a friendship with the ex didnt work out, for one reason or another. It got me thinkin about what it is that determines whether or not a friendship is possible after a romantic interlude. It has to be some certain component between the two people that's either in full effect, or it's completely non-existent. I think at the least, the formula has to consist of mutual respect, boundaries, understanding and maturity. Beyond that, i havent a clue how to make it work.

Speaking for myself, i'm friends with ONE ex girlfriend and that shit almost didnt happen either. lol. But we worked it out and i love her like a sister now. But everyone else...pssssh. Once the relationship/complicated situation fizzled out, it was a done deal. I'm a firm believer that not everyone is suppose to be in your life forever. A lot of people get caught up in trying to play nice by holding onto exes as friends, but sometimes...it's just not worth the drama.
Here are a few reasons why you should just walk away:

1.If you're still in love with her and there's no sign of her feeling the same way- let it go. It's only gonna break your heart on a daily basis to be around this girl that u want but who is obviously over u and probably close to being on to the next one. Take some time to get over her and get ya mind right, and then maybe a friendship will be possible in the future. Until then, you'll just look like a desperate clingy stalker. *shrug*

2. If you hate her with everything dark and evil inside of you- let it go and get some counseling. Nothing good can come out of hating an ex. Any type of friendship you attempt is probably merely a disguise to easily set it up for u to blackmail/sabotage/get some type of revenge on her for crushing your world. No friendship material found here.

3. You have a new love interest but something about your ex keeps pulling you back...either let the ex go, or let the new chick go. It's probably not safe for u to attempt to keep both. Sometimes the sexual chemistry between two people will never ever ever fade, even when the relationship is dead and gone. Lingering thoughts of great sex will make u temporarily forget why yall broke up in the first place and will eventually get u in trouble if u are always around one another.

4. You don't hate her, you arent in love with her, you dont even necessarily wanna hit, but u just feel some kinda way whenever u look at her- let it go at least until u wash away the residue. Thats all it is. All relationships leave remnants of everything that went bad and good between two people and sometimes it takes a while to thoroughly clean house. Forcing a friendship before the time is right will only lead to frustration and bitterness.

So yeah, sometimes it really is okay to have that one last cry/kiss/hug/argument/sexsession and completely close the chapter on that person. If you arent mutually bringing any positivity, growth or happiness into one anothers lives, then what's the point of salvaging a friendship built on a sinking foundation?

Pushing past the pain...

So we've all been in fucked up relationships. Most of them start beautifully and end tragically because like the old adage says, all good things come to an end. So-called relationship experts say the best thing to do after a break up is to consolidate your feelings, get closure and start piecing your single life back together bit by bit.

What a crock of shit.

How do you consolidate feelings? I know how to consolidate debt...but feelings/emotions/love/anger/hostility/resentment/hopelessness/etcetera... how the hell do u wrap all of that into a bundle and pay it down until it no longer exists anymore? *shrug*

And what is closure, exactly? Is there really a question that can be answered, an aha moment waiting to happen where all of the atrocicites that happened in the relationship all come together to make perfect sense, leaving you able to walk away from it a better person?? Is that closure? Does anyone really get comfort from figuring out why and how things took that final turn for the worse? Maybe I just don't get it. Then again, I changed my major from Psych to English a long ass time ago because I knew I would make the worst possible relationship therapist ever.

ME as the therapist: Oh you say ya'll havent had sex in 6 months?? Well, if u want my professional opinion, sounds like either one or both of yall is gettin some ass on the side so either confess, knock it off and start banging each other instead, OR get a divorce.

SO yeah...maybe it's just not meant for me to comprehend the rational logistics behind matters of the heart gone bad. When a relationship that means something to me ends, I tend to dissect it to the point of no return and the bare bones that I leave behind never fail to make me completely miserable. Even with consolidated feelings, attempted closure, and stray attempts to move on, it all seems like failure to me because the relationship didnt survive. *sigh*

How do u push past the bullshit, drama and pain? I know its possible to continue living life and eventually find happiness elsewhere...but that can only happen if u figure out your starting point first...