When I was younger, I struggled with understanding what it meant to "keep" somebody. I heard the phrase used many times. "i dont keep h*es who dont wanna be kept!" and so forth. But what does that mean? Kept as in picking something up and keeping it in your pocket? Kept as in being stingy with it and not sharing with anyone else? Wtf does keeping someone mean? When I thought "kept" i equated that to slavery. lol. *shrug*
Now, as a grown ass woman who has tried her not so good luck at relationships, I fully understand what a "kept woman" is and it is not for me.
If you are with someone who needs to be kept, RUN. The only reason u will ever feel as if you are struggling to keep someone is if they don't really wanna be there anymore. If you have someone who willingly gives all of their heart, soul, attention, affection and most of their time...you arent keeping them, you're enjoying the benefits of being loved. If you have someone who conveniently forgets where home is, dodges spending time with you, opts to spend quality time elsewhere, ignores you, puts you on hold, needs to be chased, or gives excuses as to why they aren't available....you are trying to keep someone who doesnt want to be kept and you're only hurting yourself. You aren't hurting the other person because being "kept" by you while having the space and opportunity to play elsewhere is very much so like having your cake and eating it too. Who doesn't want that if they can get it?
Keeping someone who doesn't want to be kept is a waste of time, energy and emotion. Oprah often quotes Dr. Maya Angelou, "When someone shows u who they are, believe them." I believe this to a certain extent. I do believe in the power of growth and change though, so just because i showed u who i was at one point in my life some years ago, doesnt mean im in the same place now. So allow me to alter that phrase for the sake of this post. When you know you are giving your all and someone shows you that they aren't satisfied/happy/pleased/fulfilled with what you are giving them, believe them. And let them GO. Trying to "keep" someone else will only lead to losing your own damn mind. Not worth it.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
THIS is why Studs & Fems can't be friends...
As usual, I have to state that I do realize there are always exceptions to every rule. Not all people will fall under my sweeping account as to why Stud and Fem friendships = a hot ass mess. But MOST do, and YOU are probably one of the most so get over it. Moving on...
As I thought about a couple of situations that have dramatically unfolded for people I know, I came to the realization that under most circumstances, studs and fems cannot just be friends. UNLESS (pay attention here) the stud and fem are both extremely unattracted to one another. By unattracted I mean, there's something about the fem that turns the stud wayyyy off, and there's something about the stud that the fem can't romantically tolerate. Under these conditions, a healthy and non-romantic friendship may be possible because there's no imminent threat of anything else happening. But when you have an attractive stud and an attractive feminine woman trying to embark on a 100% platonic BFF moment.... no maam. This is why.
There's this thing that I call StemChem. [ Stud + Fem + Chemistry] Follow me here. Studs (if they're worth anything) have this natural need to protect fems. Some even go as far as to cater to fems if it comes naturally, example: opening doors, pulling out chairs, making fems walk on the inside instead of close to the street, being really good listeners/shoulders to cry on, etc. All of this doesn't always necessarily mean that the stud wants to jump the fems bones. She could just be very considerate and charming, which is great. But then, you have us fems. Most of us really really like being treated with that sort of attention and care. Many women are not use to it and when they get a taste of the "treatment", its instant addiction. It's quite easy for fems to get caught up in being treated like a lady cuz um...sorry to say it, most of who we date ain't worth shit on two sticks. So introduce a fem to a GOOD stud who knows how to act and its a wrap. Head in the clouds, butterflies in the stomach, and pussy jumpin-jacks. This will happen EVEN IF THEY ARE CLAIMING TO ONLY BE FRIENDS. And of course the stud starts to feel like she's doin something right, her ego will get stroked and this will only make her step it up even more, which only makes the fem drool even more, which only makes the stud start thinkin hmmmmm, which then makes the fem start thinking hmmmmmm, and once the fem thinks hmmmm it's a done deal people. Cuz if the fem is open, TRUST, the stud will be there to fill whichever wide open spaces that need to be plugged. Smh. It's a fragile and dangerous cycle, this StemChem. And it happens 9 times outta 10. I'm just sayin.
Now, what I will also say is that all of this stud/fem chemistry wont always lead to something. Just because the dynamic is there, doesn't mean both people will always be willing to throw caution to the wind and risk a friendship by taking it to a sexual or emotionally inappropriate level. Either the stud or the fem might have a strong dose of common sense and know when and how to back up before it gets too hot. But it is important that both parties can mutually respect the boundaries if any are set in place. If you have a stud sayin no, but the fem is still tossin ass at her every which way....ummm...it's not gonna work out. And vice versa. If the fem is sayin we need to chill out, and the stud continues in full don juan mode, that friendship is bound for disaster.
Simply put (after allll of that) the sensual dynamic between studs and feminine women is obviously strong and very seductive for those of us who love it. It can sneak up on you and catch you off guard. It can be plotted and schemed into happening. It can never happen at all. But the possibility of it is huge. Knowing yourself and having a firm grasp on what you do or don't want to happen is key when attempting a friendship with someone of the opposite umm... label. lol. Knowing and respecting your boundaries, your limits and your areas of temptation can keep you outta some serious shit if you pay attention and LISTEN. We all have weak spots but we don't have to give in to them. It is a choice, whether you like to accept the personal responsibility or not. It's a hard lesson to learn and you will learn it eventually. Trust me. I know. So be smart and be careful.
And now, as usual after writing such posts, I need a drink :)
As I thought about a couple of situations that have dramatically unfolded for people I know, I came to the realization that under most circumstances, studs and fems cannot just be friends. UNLESS (pay attention here) the stud and fem are both extremely unattracted to one another. By unattracted I mean, there's something about the fem that turns the stud wayyyy off, and there's something about the stud that the fem can't romantically tolerate. Under these conditions, a healthy and non-romantic friendship may be possible because there's no imminent threat of anything else happening. But when you have an attractive stud and an attractive feminine woman trying to embark on a 100% platonic BFF moment.... no maam. This is why.
There's this thing that I call StemChem. [ Stud + Fem + Chemistry] Follow me here. Studs (if they're worth anything) have this natural need to protect fems. Some even go as far as to cater to fems if it comes naturally, example: opening doors, pulling out chairs, making fems walk on the inside instead of close to the street, being really good listeners/shoulders to cry on, etc. All of this doesn't always necessarily mean that the stud wants to jump the fems bones. She could just be very considerate and charming, which is great. But then, you have us fems. Most of us really really like being treated with that sort of attention and care. Many women are not use to it and when they get a taste of the "treatment", its instant addiction. It's quite easy for fems to get caught up in being treated like a lady cuz um...sorry to say it, most of who we date ain't worth shit on two sticks. So introduce a fem to a GOOD stud who knows how to act and its a wrap. Head in the clouds, butterflies in the stomach, and pussy jumpin-jacks. This will happen EVEN IF THEY ARE CLAIMING TO ONLY BE FRIENDS. And of course the stud starts to feel like she's doin something right, her ego will get stroked and this will only make her step it up even more, which only makes the fem drool even more, which only makes the stud start thinkin hmmmmm, which then makes the fem start thinking hmmmmmm, and once the fem thinks hmmmm it's a done deal people. Cuz if the fem is open, TRUST, the stud will be there to fill whichever wide open spaces that need to be plugged. Smh. It's a fragile and dangerous cycle, this StemChem. And it happens 9 times outta 10. I'm just sayin.
Now, what I will also say is that all of this stud/fem chemistry wont always lead to something. Just because the dynamic is there, doesn't mean both people will always be willing to throw caution to the wind and risk a friendship by taking it to a sexual or emotionally inappropriate level. Either the stud or the fem might have a strong dose of common sense and know when and how to back up before it gets too hot. But it is important that both parties can mutually respect the boundaries if any are set in place. If you have a stud sayin no, but the fem is still tossin ass at her every which way....ummm...it's not gonna work out. And vice versa. If the fem is sayin we need to chill out, and the stud continues in full don juan mode, that friendship is bound for disaster.
Simply put (after allll of that) the sensual dynamic between studs and feminine women is obviously strong and very seductive for those of us who love it. It can sneak up on you and catch you off guard. It can be plotted and schemed into happening. It can never happen at all. But the possibility of it is huge. Knowing yourself and having a firm grasp on what you do or don't want to happen is key when attempting a friendship with someone of the opposite umm... label. lol. Knowing and respecting your boundaries, your limits and your areas of temptation can keep you outta some serious shit if you pay attention and LISTEN. We all have weak spots but we don't have to give in to them. It is a choice, whether you like to accept the personal responsibility or not. It's a hard lesson to learn and you will learn it eventually. Trust me. I know. So be smart and be careful.
And now, as usual after writing such posts, I need a drink :)
Monday, March 15, 2010
Cellphones = DRAMA. Nuff said.
No one can stay drama free forever. It's virtually impossible unless you live isolated in a igloo somewhere, and even then you'll have drama cuz it's cold as shit and you'll freeze your ass off. But let me tell you this, and i'm gonna try to keep it short and sweet- if you are in a relationship and you don't know how to act, you're cell phone WILL get you in trouble. Let me break down "not knowin how to act":
- if you have a significant other and you feel the need to send 58678394 text messages every day to someone else BESIDES that significant other...you dont know how to act.
-if you have a significant other and you wait for her to leave the house so you can talk to the NEXT chick on the phone...you don't know how to act.
-if you have a significant other and you cant put the damn cell phone down for a day in fear of missing something...you dont know how to act.
- if you have a significant other and you have mini seizures on the inside everytime she touches or even breathes near your phone...you don't know how to act.
-if you have a significant other and your phone is goin off past midnite from females who ARENT family members or who at least arent dying... you don't know how to act.
There are more but i'm tired and this subject has thoroughly frustrated me for the night so im through. Get it together ladies. Most of us are too old for the bullshit and games. Please know that cell phones = drama so if you're triflin, play it safe and do your shit in PERSON. Cuz if u use the cell, you will get caught. Point blank period.
I need a drink.
- if you have a significant other and you feel the need to send 58678394 text messages every day to someone else BESIDES that significant other...you dont know how to act.
-if you have a significant other and you wait for her to leave the house so you can talk to the NEXT chick on the phone...you don't know how to act.
-if you have a significant other and you cant put the damn cell phone down for a day in fear of missing something...you dont know how to act.
- if you have a significant other and you have mini seizures on the inside everytime she touches or even breathes near your phone...you don't know how to act.
-if you have a significant other and your phone is goin off past midnite from females who ARENT family members or who at least arent dying... you don't know how to act.
There are more but i'm tired and this subject has thoroughly frustrated me for the night so im through. Get it together ladies. Most of us are too old for the bullshit and games. Please know that cell phones = drama so if you're triflin, play it safe and do your shit in PERSON. Cuz if u use the cell, you will get caught. Point blank period.
I need a drink.
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